On Vitae

In which a list of things done is given.

I've had some writer's block lately so I asked people on Facebook what I should blog about. There were some good ideas that I will likely come back to. But my friend Jace wanted to know all the things I've done to earn money. That seemed like a good idea, and will force me to think about it. So in roughly chronological order here are all the things I've done to earn money.

• Ran the scoreboard at little league softball games.
• Started a company selling jumper cables¹.
• Score keeping and video taping middle school and high school sporting events.
• Served food.
• Mowed lawns.
• Framed houses.
• Surfed the Internet².
• Set up painting jobs on the Navajo reservation.
• Played Sorry and dodge ball.
• Went on field trips, swam, played games.
• Planned games for Camp O.
• Planned games for VBS.
• Interned at church.
• Edited video³.
• Young Lifed.
• Installed furniture on military bases and hotels.
• Substitute taught.
• Sold plasma.
• House sat⁴.
• Moved hay bails.
• Walked back and forth IU's campus⁵.
• Read books and blogged⁶.
• Counseled students.
• Watched gym class.
• Fed kids lunch.
• Sold meat at the farmers' market.
• Got really cold⁷.

Now, for a fun game see if you can figure out where these jobs fall on a timeline (Junior High/High School/College/Grad School). For an extra challenge don't read the food notes.

Next week: How not to be a dingus.
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¹ In middle school my friend Eric and I were a part of Junior Achievement, I don't know why we decided to do that, probably because we heard we could get money. I still have the jumper cables our group made.
² My freshman year the was some company that would track your Internet surfing and would pay you based on how much you surfed the Internet. My roommate and I would each get checks every couple of weeks for like $20.
³ I made the video for Camp Olivet in 2004, I had no idea what I was doing and stayed up until like 3 am to finish it.
⁴ House sitting for the Jones was the most amazing summer job ever. One of the top 3 summers of my life.
⁵ Working for the Upward Bound summer program was one of the most ridiculous experiences of my life, I would seriously just sit in a hallway while kids took classes.
⁶ As the in-school aide at JCMS I read like 12 books in a semester.
⁷ I work at the Corry's freeze loading coolers and CSA bags.

On Thirty For Thirty

In which we reflect back upon lessons learned.

I turned thirty at the end of March. Over the last three decades (ugh) I've learned a lot of things. Here are thirty things I've learned¹.

1. Most things in life that we worry about aren't worth worrying about.
2. Sometimes the things you are good at are not the things you thought you would be good at.
3. Don't grab a ring stand that has been been under a Bunsen burner for 30 minutes.
4. Always bet on black².
5. 
6. My parents really did know what they were talking about.
7. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start³.
8. I regret more the things I didn't do, or say, than those I did.
9. When a majority of your friends tell you something is a bad idea, it is.
10. How to play the guitar.
11. It's way too easy to let friends slip away.
12. My sister and I spent too much time not liking each other.
13. I should have thought through this list before I started it.
14. That you need to diversify your resources or you will be unable to build anything.
15. I'm no good at talking on the phone.
16. What timshel means.
17. How to do a mail merge to make address labels on Word.
18. How to draw this guy.
    
19. How to drive a manual transmission car.
20. Food you cook yourself almost always test better.
21. The journey is more important that the destination, but you should have a destination in mind.
22. I don't give myself enough credit.
23. How to write in cursive, twice⁴.
24. The twists to a bunch of movies I've never seen⁵.
25. I'm a nine, probably with an eight wing.
26. The states in alphabetical order.
27. That I'm really good at the Kevin Bacon game.
28. Why the chicken crossed the road.
29. That I don't know nearly as much as I think I do.
30. I really enjoy writing.

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¹ In no particular order.

² Thank you Wesley Snipes.

³ Boom. Thirty lives.

⁴ I re-taught myself in grad school.

⁵ e.g. what soylent green is.

On the Numbers Game

In which a story is told and ranting occurs.


It's been a while since I've blogged, which has more to do with a lack of motivation than a lack of ideas¹. I'm actually working on a different blog post that I will hopefully get back to but conversations that I've had of late have led my mind in a different direction.

Those conversations have been about education.

They have not been encouraging.

Wednesday, right before I left work, I sat down and talked to the guidance counselor at the school that I work at. We started talking about students and how frustrating it can be to work with them at times. Nothing we said was really that shocking, it was more just about venting about the fact that those students who are farthest behind and most at risk of dropping out are in that position, not because of a lack of intelligence, but due to a lack of motivation. Most of them just don't care about school. Like I said, this wasn't new information, ask any educator and they will tell you the same thing, unmotivated students are terrible to work with. As we were talking the topic shifted slightly to a conversation that she had with our principal, and this is when things took a turn.

The counselor told me about a school, here in Indiana, that has a 97% graduation rate². This is an incredible rate, an unbelievable rate, especially when you consider the fact that this school is in a small rural community. Schools like that normally have trouble keeping students enrolled for the entire four years of high school. The fact that this school would have one of the best graduation rates in the state was...unreal. In fact, it was just that, not real. This school had found a loophole, for a lack of a better word, that allowed them to keep there graduation rate high.

If there was a student who was not going to graduate on time, or that didn't care about school any more, a meeting would be called. The counselor at this school would bring in the student and a parent and would hand them a form. This form is a withdraw to home schooling form, essentially a legal document that says the parent or guardian will be providing educational services for their child. Once this form is signed the student is no longer a drop out, instead they are a transfer, and no longer the responsibility of the school. The school keeps its high rate of graduation.

At first I couldn't believe it. But then, the more I thought about it the more I realized that I absolutely believed it. Here is the honest truth: education isn't about education anymore. We³ don't care if students receive a well rounded education that prepares them for life on their own, or for continued education after high school. We care about two things: standardized test scores and graduation rates. That's it, that's what it boils down to. How do you know if a school is going well? Well they have great test scores and a high graduation rate. So it should come to no surprise that schools look for ways to help themselves look better. It's just one big numbers game and everybody plays.

I've recently been watching The Wire, which was a show on HBO from 2002-2008. The show follows a group of police and a group of drug dealers in Baltimore, it is one of the best televisions shows I've ever seen. As I was watching the fourth season a couple of weeks ago there was one scene in particular that hit close to home. I've put the dialog from the scene below in a spoiler tag, just click the link and the words will appear. It doesn't give much away, but if you want to avoid everything you can.

Spoiler Alert

ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL: So for the time being, all teachers will devote class time to teaching language arts sample questions. Now if you turn to page eleven, please, I have some things I want to go over with you.
ROLAND: I don’t get it, all this so we score higher on the state tests? If we’re teaching the kids the test questions, what is it assessing in them?
TEACHER: Nothing, it assesses us. The test scores go up, they can say the schools are improving. The scores stay down, they can’t.
ROLAND: Juking the stats.
TEACHER: Excuse me?
ROLAND: Making robberies into larcenies, making rapes disappear. You juke the stats, and major become colonels. I’ve been here before.
TEACHER: Wherever you go, there you are.

A big part of the police story line in The Wire is the department's never ending battle with crime statistics. Often the officers will change how they write up a crime, making them less serious, so they can say the felony rate dropped. They "juke" the stats. And it is no different in the educational world, that is exactly what this school was doing⁴. At first I was furious that they would do that to their students. As time went on I realized what I was really upset about was that we operate in a system that would make schools feel like that was something they had to do.

This is a very dangerous time of our educational system. Programs like "No Child Left Behind" and "Race to the Top" (don't let anyone fool you they are basically the same) force schools to focus on benchmarks based around standardized tests. But anyone that works with kids can tell you there is no standard, not for how kids learn, not for their social contexts, not for their life experiences. We teach kids to be individuals then test them in a way that is anything but. Add to all this the fact that money may be taken from public education and given to charter schools with little to no oversight, who, if they wanted to, could turn away students who are a risk not to graduate, or even to get high marks. And that doesn't even factor in merit based pay for teachers.

Imagine that you are an English teacher. You've got a family at home you need to support and your pay is based on how well your students do on a test. As the year goes on you come up with a new way to instruct your students that seems to be helping the majority of them prepare. Do you share that discovery with your fellow English teachers, knowing that if they classes do better than yours they will get paid more and you won't? And what about those three kids that you just can't seem too reach? Maybe you stop in at the guidance office and ask the counselor about getting them to withdraw to home schooling so they don't bring down the class, and school. average on the test.

I don't have any answers for these problems. I know that there are things that need to be fixed at schools. I know that there are teachers who probably need to be fired and that unions need to make some changes. But I also know that there are parents that need to do their job and help teach there kids. I know there are kids who need to pull their heads out of their asses and put forth some effort. I know that there are politicians who need to shut the hell up. And more than anything I know that the programs we have now, and the direction that we seem to be moving in, will only lead to disaster. If we don't do something soon it may be too late.

It's just one big numbers game and everybody loses.
__________________________________________________________
¹ Although the ideas haven't been flowing much lately.
² The graduation rate is determined by looking at how many students enter as ninth graders and then graduate as seniors.
³ This would be the collective, societal we.
⁴ This school sadly isn't the only one that does this, I've heard of other who have "clearing house days" where they pull in any sophomore or older who isn't on track to graduate and do the same thing. And this is at a large suburban school.

On Messing With Your Childhood

In which a uniting component of humanity is discussed and your perspectives are altered.

Imagine, if you will, you are sitting in a movie theater. You've got friends on either side of you and you are killing time answering the same easy trivia question for the tenth time. Finally the lights dim, your excitement rises a little, but no, it's just a coke commercial. Or some voice telling you to silence your cell phone. But then it happens. This screen pops up:

Oh yeah, it's preview time, the best part of the movies. What will it be? A super-rad blockbuster? A cheeseball romcom¹? Emotional Oscar bait? A terrible and lame teen vampire movie? You never know. You are on the edge of your seat as everything about a movie is distilled down into a scant 2-3 minutes. When it ends you lean over and whisper to your friend, "that looks awesome" or "that looks terrible" before the green screen is there again and it all starts over.

Movie trailers are a funny thing. They are, at their core, commercials. I hate commercials, but I love trailers. Well, that's not exactly right. I love trailers in the movie theater, when they are up on the big screen. And I love catching sweet trailers when they first drop. But I always skip them on DVDs. I don't really know why, maybe it's the mystery of it all. But no matter their context they are definitely an attempt to sell you on spending your hard earned dollars² on a movie.

Because of this they are often put together by people in charge of selling the movie rather than people who make the movie. This can lead to movies that don't end quite as awesome as the trailer would have you believe. At times the trailers simply give away too much³ of the story. And often the movie is completely misrepresented. What is wild is to think about how easy it is to completely manipulate the audience with some simple text and a sweet soundtrack. It makes you wonder if you could completely change the tone of a film?

Oh wait, someone already did that. Back in 2006 someone reedited a trailer for Mary Poppins, added new music and sound effects and came up with Scary Mary. Check it out⁴.


Other videos soon followed. Such as a re-cut Charlie and the Chocolate Factory trailer. Although, let's be honest, that movie was damn creepy on it's own, that tunnel scene? Come on.


But I think my favorite remixed trailer is probably this one, which I will leave you without any set up.


It pretty crazy how easy it is to make a trailer look absolutely nothing like the movie. Keep that in mind the next time you see a movie you are totally jazzed for, because you might be in for a surprise. Except if it's a Twilight preview, the actual movie will be just as sucky as the trailer.
___________________________________________________________
¹ That would be a romantic comedy.
² Or your parents if you are still in high school/home for Christmas.
³ My apologies for linking to VH1.
⁴ Hey Carrie and Tara, suck it up and watch the dang videos this time.

On Allegorical Boating

In which a classic beginning is followed by something a little less so.

Once upon time there was a captain of a boat. This young captain was a good man, intelligent and well spoken. When he spoke of his boat he talked about a great and wondrous vessel. A boat unparalleled in all the seas. He spoke with such a great passion and eloquence that to listen to him was to agree with him. People would nod and smile and think to themselves, "what a wonderful boat this is." What's more they would look at their captain and smile, for he was a good captain.

Now, no captain can helm a ship by himself, and our young captain was no different. He was surrounded by a fine crew who, just like the captain, loved their ship. They worked hard to make sure the ship sailed smoothly. And even in those time when the crew could not agree what was the best course for the boat they would find a way to compromise and chart a path for the boat, and work to keep her running. What a great boat this is, the people would say to one another, truly there is none finer. The people would watch the crew and smile, for this crew worked hard to make sure that the boat would always move forward.

Unfortunately this was an old boat, and old boats do have their problems. And in this case the problem was that the ship was taking on water. All around the hull there was cracks, and holes, through which water would flow. If something was not done the beautiful ship would sink. The captain and his crew got together and they made a plan. They would give everyone, both the crew and the passengers, buckets and they would bail the boat out. Those that were the strongest were given large buckets, those who were weak or small were given smaller buckets and, at times, even given assistance to lift them. And together they began to bail out the boat. But soon problems began to arise.

The water rose faster and faster and soon the stronger passengers began to complain that it was too difficult to lift their large buckets with all of the water around them. So the captain and the crew gave them smaller buckets, while taking smaller buckets themselves, and so the water continued to rise. Again the strongest of the people said that they couldn't bail with the buckets they were given, so they were given small buckets while some of the strongest had no buckets at all. As you would expect the water rose ever faster. The captain looked at his distressed passengers and told them not to worry. He would fix the problems, be would stop the leaks and return the large buckets to the strongest people. The passengers were relieved and went back to bailing while the captain went to his crew.

However, when he met with them his voice failed, and his strong will seemed diminished. He did not call for the buckets to be returned, instead he focused on the weakest passengers, those that needed support to even lift the smallest cup. He pointed to them and said, we will take their supports from some of them for they tie up too many of our resources. Those passengers were in shock as their help was taken, their sad eyes focused on the giant holes in the ship. Next the captain said, look, we must plug these smaller holes to slow the tide. But the waters still rose as his crew shouted back, that it wasn't good enough, they wanted all of the supports taken from the smallest people, and they wanted to only focus on the smallest of holes to make sure they were completely closed off. The captain and his crew began to argue in earnest about which of the small holes should be filled, and in what order. All the while the passengers watched as torrents of water flowed through the largest of holes, and still the men shouted, but never about those gaps.

So the ship sailed on. And if you listen closely over the roar of the water, and the sound of the bailing, and the yelling of the crew you could hear the soft slow cry of the small and weak. They cried for the support they lost, the blame they felt, and the fact that they were forgotten by those much stronger than them. Tears ran down their faces adding to the rising waters that would inevitably drown them all.
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Okay, I'll be the first to admit that my little story was very over the top and an incredibly simplified version of what is going on right now in Washington as it relates to the argument over the national budget. But here are some things that I know are true. The current budget proposals, that have come from both democrats and republicans make major cuts to some of the smallest programs. No one from either side of the aisle has proposed to make cuts to our biggest expenditures, and if they are talking about it they aren't talking very loudly. Those people that are going to be most effected by cuts to things the Community Services Block Grant (CSBG) feel absolutely shit on by these decisions and the people that are making them. And for once I won't apologize for my language, because I can't imagine there is a better word to describe how they are feeling.

Here are some statistics to solidify how ridiculous this whole plan is.

President Obama made the following budget cuts to some of the programs that are most "important" to him.

• The CSBG is going to have it's funding cut in half, from $700 million to $350 million. (-50%)
• The Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program is going from around $5 billion to about $2.5 billion. (-50%)
• The Community Development Block Grant Program will be losing about $300 million. (-7.5%)¹

That is a total of just over $3 billion dollars. Meanwhile, here is what is happening with military spending:

• Research and Development is going from $80.21 billion to $75.72 billion. (-5.6%)
• Procurement is going from $135.79 billion to $128.05 billion. (-5.7%)
• Operations is going from $292.83 billion to $294.89 billion. (+.7%)²

Yes you read that right, the operations budget for the military will be going up this next year. Which is ridiculous. Look, here is the thing. I know that the military, for many people, is an important part of the budget, I know that there are a lot of brave men and women who put their lives on the line every day because they believe it is the right thing to do. But the amount of money that we spend on the military is out of control. I did some quick math and here is what savings would look like if we applied the same cuts to the programs dealing with poverty to the military budget.

• Cutting R&D by 50% would save us $40 billion dollars.
• Cutting Procurement would save us $68 billion dollars.
• Cutting Operations by just 7.5% would save us $22 billion dollars.

Even cutting the first two by 25% would save us $50 billion, that is a lot of money. And really that is the most alarming part. The cuts to the poverty services are so small and effect such a small portion of the deficit that it seems like it is all for show, which makes it even worse. Here is the sick thing. If we didn't cut any of the military budget, and instead simply didn't raise the amount going to operations we would save $2.06 billion dollars, more than enough to cover the cost of the CSBG, the CDBG and almost half of the Energy Assistance Grant. It is embarrassing.

What it comes down to is a group of men and women who are making decisions for our nation that are so out of touch with the reality of peoples lives that they would rather stand around shouting at each other about which small holes to plug while the water rises around their ears³.

My mom emailed me earlier this week and she passed down some of that motherly wisdom you always forget is there until it slaps you in the face. So I'll leave you with her words to me.

"I am truly convinced that I want someone representing me who has personal experience with family members, or close friends who have truly experienced hardship...why can't we help those who want to help themselves. This issue brings tears to my eyes and a knot in my stomach."
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¹ These statistics were found here: http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2011/02/14/133748987/whats-in-the-2012-budget-plan-npr-breaks-it-down
² These number are from the New York Times infographic which gives a good representation of how absurd the breakdown of the budget it: http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/newsgraphics/2011/0119-budget/index.html
³ By the way, they also decided not to raise taxes. Now, I'm no Kelley School of Business graduate or anything but I'm pretty sure if you are in debt the only way out is spend less than you make. If we can't spend less then we need to make more, which means, wait for it, more taxes.

On the Continuing Adventures of Snow Days

In which we, once again, fulfill a birthday wish.

It was recently my friend Seth's birthday, since it is a free gift I offered, for a second year in row¹, to write a blog post on the topic of his choice. He asked me to write about snow days. Since I just wrote about the reason behind snow days and I wrote about what I do on snow days last year I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. Finally though inspiration struck. So please enjoy these excerpts from my new screen play²:

INT. OFFICE. DAY.

A slightly overweight man sits at his desk, his rumpled shirt and tie almost match. He stares down at a desk covered with reports and memos while the new message light on his phone blinks unendingly. There is a knock at the door.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

Come in.



The door opens and a stylishly dressed man enters. His expensive looking suit coat bulges out slightly where his shoulder holster rests.

SNOW

You wanted to see me chief?

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

I did. Shut the door and sit down.

Snow moves around to the front of the brown leather chair and takes a seat.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

I've been reviewing your handiwork all morning. This is some mess you've caused. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

SNOW

Sometimes you have to break some eggs to make an omelet.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(pause)

Sometimes you have to break...that's it? That's all you've got?

(enraged)

I've got a pile of complaints, emails and memos a mile high. My phone hasn't stopped ringing all morning. We've got three suspects in the morgue, a dozen bystanders in the hospital, and millions of dollars in property damage. Where did all of this mayhem get you in your investigation?

SNOW

Vandoren is behind it, he always has been. You know it and I know it.

The chief stand up swiftly, his chair is pushed back into the wall, he is visibly upset.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(screaming)

Senator Vandoren is one of the wealthiest, most well respected men in this city. Your witch hunt against him has already cost this department too much, I'm shutting you down.

SNOW

(screaming)

You're taking me off the case.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(screaming)

I'm doing more than that. I'm suspending you, effective immediately. Turn in your gun and badge.

Snow stand up and very deliberately removes his pistol, ejects the clip, clears the chamber and sets the gun on the desk.

SNOW

You are wrong on this one chief. You are letting a complete sociopath literally get away with murder.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

And you are a loose cannon Snow Day. I've been waiting a long time for this day to come, now get out of my office.

Snow looks down at his badge one last time before flipping it onto the desk.

SNOW

It's funny that you mention that, because there is something I've been waiting a long time for as well.

Snow pulls back and punches the Chief in the nose sending him to the ground. He then turns and walks out of the office.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(yelling)

SNOW DAY!

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INT. BAR. NIGHT

The dank bar is lit with a few flickering florescent lights. The ground is littered with broken bottles and unconscious or dead men. Snow Day stands behind the bar holding a rough looking biker by his black leather jacket.

SNOW

When is the shipment coming in?

BIKER

Hey man, I ain't tellin you nothin.

SNOW

Have it your way. It looks like we've got a weather advisory, things are about to get a little icy.

Snow drags the biker to the ice chest and shoves his head into the ice. The biker begins to kick and flail. Snow pulls him up.

SNOW

Give me the date.

BIKER

No

Snow returns him to the ice, then pulls him out.

SNOW

(yelling)

The date!

BIKER

(teeth chattering)

I, I can't.

Snow moves to put his head back in the ice.

BIKER

Wait! Wait, I'll tell you. Saturday, it's coming Saturday.

SNOW

(menacingly)

What. Time.

BIKER

Midnight.

Snow hits the biker in the stomach and he slouches to the ground. Snow begins to walk out of the bar. The biker sees a sawed-off shotgun under the bar and grabs it. Snow pauses as he hears the biker rack the gun.

BIKER

(screaming)

You son of a...

Snow spins around pulling out his pistol, he shoots the biker before he can get his shot off. The bikers body falls back into the ice chest.

SNOW

Chill out.

---------------------------------------------------

EXT. PARK. NIGHT.

Rain is falling heavily as Snow and a beautiful brunette woman stand beneath a street light. The pair lean in close as they talk.

ALICIA

I'm leaving town tonight Snow, it's not safe for me anymore.

SNOW

Don't say that. I'm close, I can feel it. Stay here, with me, I can keep you safe. Once I put Vandoren away for good we can be together.

ALICIA

You can't stop him, my husband is just too well connected. And he knows about us, if he finds me I'm dead.

[pause]

Come with me Snow, forget about this corrupt city, we can start a new life together. I love you Snow.

Snow pulls her in closer and they kiss. Alicia stares into Snow's eyes for a few seconds.

ALICIA

You aren't coming are you?

SNOW

You know I can't. Listen, you go, be safe. I've got to finish this with Vandoren, but then, I'm coming for you.

---------------------------------------------------

INT. DINER. DAY.

Snow sits at a booth with a thin black man with graying hair and a beat up looking suit and tie.

SNOW

I'm glad you're with me on this Johnny, there is no one else I can trust.

JOHN

Of course man, anything for you.

SNOW

I'll be honest, I didn't think I would get you away from your fishing boat.

JOHN

(laughing)

I didn't think you would either, retirement is really agreeing with me. But truth be told, I miss the excitement. Enough of this, we've got a job to do. You pay for lunch and I'll go get the car.

John leaves the diner, Snow reaches for his wallet as his cell phone rings.

SNOW

Hello?

MAN (os)

Is this Detective Day?

SNOW

It is, who is this.

MAN (os)

I've got a message for you. Senator Vandoren says, "boom."

SNOW

(quietly)

What?

An explosion is heard from outside, followed by screaming.

SNOW

(yelling)

Johnny!!

---------------------------------------------------

EXT. ROOFTOP. NIGHT.

Snow is on his knees on the roof of an abandoned high school, his arms are tied behind his back, he is beaten and bloody. Vandoren paces in front of Snow, hitting him in the stomach with his cane every so often. Snow is frantically trying to cut the rope that holds his hands together.

VANDOREN

You know, I should thank you Detective Day, I'm sorry I mean Mr. Day. Not only did you take out many of my chief competitors, but your rampage through the city today provided the perfect distraction allowing my shipment to arrive unmolested.

(pause)

What's the matter? Where is the patented Snow Day wit I've heard so much about? Where is the pithy comeback?

(pause)

Nothing? Such a pity. As I was saying, you did such a wonderful job for me today that I considered letting you live. However, there is the matter of your little, dalliance with my wife. My wife! Call me old fashion, but there is a little thing called the sanctity of marriage.

SNOW

How, exactly, does me catching you in a hot tub with two outrageously young women fit in with your idea of the sanctity of marriage?

Vandoren hits Snow in the stomach, hard.

VANDOREN

(grinning)

They weren't married.

Vandoren glances at his watch.

VANDOREN

I must say this has been an entertaining evening, unfortunately business must come before pleasure. You see, you were the only one who knew that I forced this school to close so that I could use it too process my heroin supply. And with you out of the way we will finally be open for business.

SNOW

Unfortunately for you, Senator, I see one small problem with you plan.

VANDOREN

Oh yes? And what would that be.

Snow finishes cutting his restraints and jumps up and grabs Vandoren before he is able to react. He walks him to the edge of the roof. As he is pushing him off the roof Snow says:

SNOW

It's a snow day, school's closed.

__________________________________________________________

¹ Check out my attempt at poetry: here

² Which I have crammed full of as many clichés as I could imagine

On Self Congratulatory Little Gold Men

In which we consider the mistakes of the past before making guesses about the future.

For the last 34 years my mom has been working as an elementary school teacher in Lafayette, Indiana. Due to the close proximity of Purdue's campus she often has student teachers that will join her for a semester. Most of them are good, some great, and a few, not so much. One she had a few years ago was really quite the buster. She was teaching, I believe, fourth grade at the time, and he had only been in the class for a few weeks when he asked if, as an educational experience, the class could watch the Academy Award Nominations. Not the actual awards themselves, mind you, but rather just a reading of those films and actors that were nominated. That guys really built himself a solid foundation with that one, let me tell you. I wish that I could go back in time and ask him just what he thought the educational benefit would have been for those fourth graders.

I share this story with you because we are at that time of the year again, this very morning the nominees for the 83rd annual Oscars were announce. Given that I haven't got much else on my mind at the moment I thought that I would write about them for a bit. But first, a disclaimer.

The Oscars, and most other award shows¹, are pretty much just rubbish. Especially when it comes to the best picture. It is a rare year when you hear the winner and think, yeah that was definitely my favorite movie from that year. What's more, there are some years when you are left dumbfounded at the choice that was made.  Here are, in my opinion, some of the worst offenders.

2001 Oscars - Winner Gladiator
Don't get me wrong, Gladiator is a good movie, I own it, I've watched it multiple times, and I will keep watching it. However, this year it was up against: Chocolat, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Erin Brocovich, and Traffic. There is no way, in my mind, that Gladiator was a better movie than Traffic. Steven Soderbergh put together one amazing movie with Traffic, he manages to weave together three complex story lines and get incredible performances out of his actors at the same time. The bigger upset for me this year though was the fact that Russell Crowe won the best actor award over Tom Hanks for his role in Cast Away, which I think was one of his most powerful performances ever.

2003 Oscars - Winner Chicago
I saw Chicago when it came out, but I don't remember much of it, which doesn't say much for that movie does it? This year it was up against: Gangs of New York, The Hours, The Two Towers, and The Pianist. While I will freely admit that Gangs of New York and The Two Towers are not without their problems they are both easily better movies than Chicago was. I don't know what the thought process was here.

1998 Oscars - Winner Titanic
This is a great example of spectacle winning out over quality. By the time that the awards rolled around in late March Titanic had already broken the one billion dollar mark. It was, to say the least, wildly popular, and certainly a technical marvel. But over all the story line was nothing too spectacular, the same goes for DiCaprio's acting. What movies did it beat out? Oh just As Good as it Gets, The Fully Monty, Good Will Hunting, and LA Confidential. It wouldn't be the first time James Cameron would have a film nominated based on new technology, a huge profit, and a weak story line, luckily the next time the Academy would wise up².

1995 Oscars - Winner Forest Gump
Without a doubt this is the most egregious oversight that the academy has made. In my opinion Forest Gump is a fun, heart-string yanking, film designed for the masses to enjoy. And you know what, there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is that two win this award it had to beat out The Shawshank Redemption, which is my favorite movie and is also the top rated film on IMDB. This year more than any other teaches us to take the Academy Awards with a grain of salt. With that in mind lets take a look at this years nominees and who I think is likely to win the big award³.

Best Picture:
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The Kids are Alright
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone

My Thoughts: My first thought is that I haven't seen enough of these movie. The real five to watch are probably Black Swan, The Fighter, The Kids are Alright, The King's Speech, and The Social Network. From what I'm hearing expect The Social Network to take the trophy⁴.

The rest of the nominees for all the other categories are easy enough to find on the internet (for example: here). I do have a few short thougths about some nominations, or lack there of though.

• The fact that Hailee Steinfeld was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress role filled me with mixed emotions. It was great that she was recognized because she does an amazing job. But it is absurd that she was nominated for a supporting role when she acts as both the narrator and protagonist of the movie. There are far to few strong lead roles for females, let alone that it is a western, that to cheapen it to a supporting role is just disappointing.
• I think it is a travesty, but not unexpected, that Scott Pilgrim vs the World did not get nominated for either best editing or best visual effects.
• Natalie Portman (best actress) and Christian Bale (supporting actor) are probably locks.
• Finally, I could see Exit Through the Gift Shop not winning best documentary simply because of the questions surrounding it's authenticity.

PS: For people thinking that picking questionable best picture winners in a new phenomenon know that in 1942 How Green is my Valley won over Citizen Kane.
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¹ Especially the Golden Globes.
² If Avatar would have one they should have just shut it down.
³ Please know most of this is based on complete conjecture as I have not seen all of these movies.
⁴ Saying things like, "From what I'm hearing" makes you sound much more legitimate.