In which a contractual obligation almost backfires until it doesn't.
[My friend Seth Rowe1 recently had a birthday2. As a gift I decided to give him the option to tell me what to blog about, because, firstly, his blog was inspirational in the creation of my blog, and secondly, I'm cheap. He wanted me to write about my second visit to Columbus (which hasn't happened) or to write about the trip that I would be going on in the next month (which was news to me). I took his idea and ran with it...]
There is a place, not too far from here,
Where the Scioto and the Olentangy meet.
Long ago, in olden days, this was the new frontier
But now, instead, you'll find idiots not known for being discreet.
O-H-I-O they shout,
Whether you want them to or not.
You shake your head at the stupid lout
Living in this place manners forgot.
Filthy rivers make it tough
To finish a disc golf game.
Wise visitors say "That's enough."
And return from whence they came.
Columbus is a terrible place whether sleeping or awake,
And I'll tell anyone who asks of me, visiting there is a mistake.
Yet, when I think of my good friends,
Whose names are Seth and Julie,
I must see the city through a new lens,
And thus, speak to you truly.
You'll find Settlers there, a garden gnome,
And late night conversation.
I would get to see their new home
While enjoying a short vacation.
Plenty of laughter will abound
During the time that I am there,
As well as talks that are profound,
With good friends, for whom I deeply care.
So Seth, and Julie, grab a pen, and prepare a note to take.
Beware the Ides of March because I'll be there over my spring break3.
Happy Birthday Seth!
___________________________________________________________ 1 Of "The Summer of Seth and Josh". 2 It was his 26th by my count. 3 Spring break runs from the 13th-21st and the Ides of March is the 15th.
In which a list is completed, a task finished, and readers that know me may find themselves surprised.
Welcome to part two of top fives. What an odd sentence. Anyway, back to finish this list up, which, in all honesty, has become a lot bigger than I originally invisioned. Oh well, hopefully the five of you that read this have enjoyed it, if you missed part one check out the end of the paragraph. Please note, most of the items on these lists are not in a particular order (with the exception of Shawshank, East of Eden, and The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay)
Books:
4) American Gods (2001) - Written by Neil Gaiman (who wrote Stardust, Coraline, and Sandman) this book follows protagonist Shadow after he is released from prison. Once arriving home Shadow meets up with the mysterious Mr. Wednesday, who offers him a job. The book follows Shadow as he travels around the county helping Mr. Wednesday along the way. We learn, along with Shadow, that our world is populated by gods, any god that has ever been worshiped in America has appeared on earth and survives only based on what belief there is in them. This book appealed to me mainly because of my religious studies background, there are a lot of interesting 'religious1' figures that pop up throughout the book, but also because it is a very intriguing story. It's a quick read, not too dense, but I highly recommend it.
5) Lamb (2002) - I went back and forth over what book to have in my fifth spot. There wasn't one that immeadiately jumped out at me. Finally I settled on Lamb, or as the whole title reads: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. This is a book written from the perspective of Jesus best friend growing up Biff, and the adventures they shared. The majority of the story fills in the time before Jesus arrives on the scene at 30, we follow Biff and Jesus as they travel east to find the three wise men. The best adjective for this book is irreverent. But it is also hilarious. We learn that God sounds a lot like James Earl Jones, that Jesus said "knock and the door will be opened to you" because he was forced to wait outside of a monastary for days on end, and that the disciples weren't always the brightest bulbs (okay that you can get from the Bible itself). So fare warning, if you lack a sense of humor about your faith don't read this book, you will most likely come away from it very offended. But if you want to read a funny work of fiction and may force you to think more about what Jesus was like when he was a boy, or just hanging out, then give Lamb a look.
Television:
1) Futurama (1999-2003/2007-Present) I didn't enjoy Futurama when I first watched it. I was a Simpsons fan when it started and I never really gave it a chance (which was dumb because it is made by the same people). Years later, during the "Summer of Seth & Josh" I got in the habit of watching reruns on Cartoon Network's [adultswim]. Suddenly it was as if my eyes had been opened for the first time. Here was a show that had layers of jokes, from very simply physical humor, to deeper more thought-out, to jokes that I only know about because they talk about them in the commentary. When people tell me that they don't enjoy Futurama it is almost certainly because they haven't really given it enough time yet, this is a show that will grow on you (which you will find to be a theme for many of the shows on the list). To sum up, there are two positions that I will not waiver from. A of all, if you watch the episodes "The Luck of the Fryrish" or "Jurassic Bark" and at the very least don't have tears form in your eyes you are a soulless monster. B of all, Futurama is much, much, much funnier than Family Guy could ever hope to be, if you don't agree then you either don't have a sense of humor, or, more likely, you suffered a traumatic brain injury (okay maybe that's not more likely). In conclusion, Futurama is intelligent and hilarious, Family Guy is simplistic rubbish.
2) Arrested Development (2003-2006) - What's it all about, lucky for us they start every episode telling you. "Narrator: Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together. It's Arrested Development." Arrested Development is sitcom that follows the dysfunctional, once wealthy, Bluth family in a pseudo-documentary2 style. Much like Futurama I didn't really discover this show until it was almost off the air. Also, like Futurama, this is a show that rewards viewers that stick with it. There are call back jokes and inside jokes aplenty. This is a show that I can watch over an over again and laugh every time. If you want to check it out you are in luck, Hulu has the entire first season online for free. And as a special gift to you dear reader:
3) Band of Brothers (2001) - Do you remember the first time you watched the Normandy Beach scene in Saving Private Ryan? How big it all was? The sheer amount of work, and people, and pyrotechnics that when into it, and the rest of the movie, was mind boggling to me. By the third episode of Band of Brother (a ten episode mini-series) the special effects department had used more pyrotechnics than in the entire movie. Band of Brother follows the exploits of a company of para-troopers from their training before Normandy through the end of the war. Over time we see them grow closer together, rely on one another, fight with one another, and mourn for one another. Also, the show introduced me to Major Richard Winters, who is joining Ginny Weasley in my certified bad-ass club3.
4) Chuck (2007-Present) - You have no idea how excited I am that I get to write "present" instead of "2009" in those parentheses. Chuck came very close to being canceled last season, the blame for this falls squarely on the shoulders of NBC and Jay Leno, fortunately fans of the show wrote letters to the network and show sponsors calling for its return. Here is the premise of the show, Chuck Bartowski is forced into the world of espionage when he unwittingly opens a computer files that embeds the NSA and CIA's spy secrets into Chuck's brain. A CIA and a NSA operative are sent to protect Chuck, and as often happens in televison show, wacky hijinks ensue. Now I can hear your eye's rolling from here, I know that the idea is very absurd. But think about all the other shows out there for a moment and you will realize that most shows have very flimsy ideas behind them; it's what you do with the stories and character that make lasting shows. And in that realm Chuck has few equals, especially when it comes to the supporting cast, all of whom show incredible depth. The third season won't start until after the new year, so there is still time for you to get caught up. Go out and get the first season DVD and watch it and I gaurantee you will be hooked4. *Important addendum: Chuck has been slated to return for it's third season on Sunday January 10th, there will be two back-to-back episodes and then one on it's regular time Monday at 8:00.
5) The Venture Brothers (2003-Present) - You want to talk about a ridiculous premise then look no further than The Venture Brothers. What if Jonny Quest grew up, how would he deal with the pressures of being his father's son? Or deal with all the traumatic situations that he dealt with as a kid? That is basically what The Venture Brothers is all about. Rusty Venture is a failed "super-scientist" who is trying to raise his two teenaged sons (one of whom dressed like Fred from Scooby Doo) Hank and Dean, along with their bodyguard Brock. This show lives in the ridiculous, it thrives in it. And because of that is unbelievably funny. Also, it throws pop culture references around like it's its job. Examples: Jonny Quest, Scooby Doo, The 6 Million Dollar Man, Voltron, Sasquatch, 2001 A Space Odyessy, David Bowie songs, The Fantastic Four. This show is over the top, vulgar, violent at times, certainly not for children, but man do I laugh when I watch it.
So here we are at the end of the lists. I am sure that there are those of you out there that were surprised, especially when it came to the TV list5. Hopefully none of you are offended by what made the list or didn't. And if you are offended I would ask you kindly to get over it. Most of all though, I hope that if there are things on this list that you have never seen or read or heard of that you would take some time to check them out, because I do think they are all worth the time. Stories are important to me, and a well told story is a rare thing these days, but I feel like all 15 of these books, movies, or shows do just that.
Also, I'd love to hear about your top fives, so leave a comment below.
_______________________________________________________________ 1Religious is in quotes here because the characters aren't the normal religious figures you may expect, some examples include: Anansi, Czernobog, Anubis, Eostre, Odin, even a leprechaun. 2Thanks Wikipedia 3Both gingers, if you can believe it. 4Gaurentee void everywhere. 5TV shows just missing the cut off include: SportsNight, The Simpsons, 24, Firefly, Studio 60, 30 Rock
In which adventures are had, and a good friend is remembered.
Every year in Bloomington there is a carnival that comes to town called the Fun Frolic, which is designed to raise money for Big Brothers Big Sisters and IU Child Care Centers. According to the internet it has been offering family-friendly fun since 1957, that's a lot of fun. I would hazard a guess that most people don't know what the Fun Frolic is for. Well, I take that back, people know what it's for, they just don't think it's for those organizations.
What is it for? That's easy, delicious fried food that will probably kill you one day, blood-tingling thrillrides that will probably kill you one day, and creepster, dirtball carnies that will probably kill you one day.
A long time ago I enjoyed going to events like the Fun Frolic for the rides, buying tickets and hopping on rusted out deathtraps was always exciting. My favorites were the Scramber and the Gravatron. These rides no longer hold the excitement that they once did, which is too bad. Because really there is not much of a reason to go if not for the rides.
The other big attraction is the ability to have your money stolen from you in a game of "chance" that is usually so rigged that you will never win anything good, and anything you do win anything it is not worth anywhere near the amount that you spent on the games and as soon as you get home you will stare all the crap you accumulated and think, "What in the world will I do with all this rubbish?"
There is, however, one game that you will almost always win and that can even lead to a new best friend. That game is the ping-pong ball toss. You remember that game, you throw a ping-pong ball at a fish bowl and if it land in you win a goldfish. Hooray!!
A couple of years back my friend Seth Rowe accomplished this very feat. And so Seth and I made a new friend. He was awesome, but then he died. This was 7 years ago. In remembrance of our good friend Dougie I am going to share with you something special. Enjoy.
Dougie, friend and darn good fish
______________________________________
By Your Mom Independent Reporting Originally published July 14, 2003
Dougie, a fish in good standing, died Monday of fish related complications, in his bowl in Apartment 16. He was estimated to be a few weeks old.
Dougie was born and raised in the place where the Fun Frolic carnies gets their fish, he grew up swimming a lot with neighborhood fish, nurturing a passion for the sport and turning it into a supplemental profession as his job as chief fish of the apartment.
"Swimming was his life, it was all he had," said Dougie’s Mom, his mother.
Dougie left the place the Fun Frolic carnies gets their fish shortly after being born in an attempt to try his luck at being a professional pet.
A few days later Seth Rowe threw a ping-pong ball into a fish bowl and Dougie’s dream became a reality. That night Dougie joined Seth, and his roommate Josh Milligan, at their apartment, where he worked for a couple of days swimming and eating. He did absolutely nothing else, because he was a fish.
“He seemed energetic when I came home from work,” said Josh Milligan, co-owner, “but half an hour later he was floating face up in the water.”
The time of death is estimated to be between 6 and 7pm, an autopsy could be performed to find the actual time and cause of death. However, given that he is a fish experts claim that cutting into him will do more harm then good. These experts are now having their credentials checked.
Dougie touched the lives of all those who met him, and even some of those who didn’t.
When asked what she thought about Dougie Lauren Zaczek, a friend, said, “He was a soldier.”
While he had no known children of his own Dougie’s memory will live on in the heart and minds of his friends.
Visitations will be held at Apartment 16 until his remains are removed. A memorial service will be held when both Seth and Josh are present in Bloomington at the same time.
In addition to his mother, Dougie is presumed to be survived copious amounts of other fish.
_______________________________________________________________
Dougie Haines, swimming in heaven.
I've always enjoyed writing, but never make the time to do it. So this blog is, in part, an excuse for me to write something consistently. My goal is to write once a week. That is about the only thing that remains constant. The topics will vary widely, which helps to keep me interested. I am always open to suggestions, so if there is something you would like me to write about just drop me a line and let me know. - Josh
