On DIY Christmas Cards and Peaking

In which artistic peaks are reached, Christmas cheer is spread, and a return most triumphant


Annnnnnd we're back, after nearly a six month hiatus due to blogging hubris once again striking¹. As well as severe writer's block.

Quick life update: still job searching, working a local middle school in a study hall, not blogging. There, caught up.

At my job I try to find different activities to keep my students entertained, which can be difficult at times. I use daily brain teasers, word searches, crossword puzzles, I have even had them find and copy words out of the dictionary. Anything to get them to keep their mouths shut. One such attempt involved searching for printable mazes online, difficult ones. Easy mazes simply mean more paper on my floor². My Google search³ eventually let me to this maze:

It's about as intense as it looks, though not as intense as some others I found, and have really only had a handful of kids seriously attempt it. One of the perks of my job is that it is pretty mindless, as long as my kids are working quietly and not acting like total jackasses there isn't much for me to do. So I decided to attempt the maze. But instead of just picking a path and seeing where it led I decided to black out all the dead ends and reveal the path that way. Did it take a while? Yes. Was I concerned I would make a mistake and ruin hours of work? Yes. But away I went.

As I made my way around the maze I realized that I really like the way it looked. It had a minimalist look that I found fascinating, and it seemed like such a shame to take all the time to fill it in and then simply throw it way. So I began to think of what I could possible do with it, then it hit me, Christmas cards, more importantly DIY Christmas cards (that's "Do It Yourself" for the uninitiated in the crowd). I figured I could white out the words in the start and finish bubbles and draw little Christmas scenes and send them out. Then I took it a little further and decided to draw little before and after pictures in each so that if you followed the maze you would get to the next scene. Lastly I glued them down some red card stock and wrote some messages on the back. It was all pretty easy, now I just need to figure out how to mail them⁴.

The Grey Menace Strikes

A Classic Christmas Conundrum

This was the original card, which is why the pictures flow the opposite direction⁵.

This is probably my favorite card, I gave it to Abe Corry.

Snowball fight!!

#snowday

You can't go wrong with the triangle tree.

I also like this one. Baby Jesus has the darkest skin, scandalous.

This is it, I've peaked artistically. At least it has been immortalized on the internets.

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¹ Every time I talk about what my next blog post will be about it doesn't get written.

² In the form of: wads, footballs, airplanes, notes, shreds, and, once, a swan.

³ Literally "difficult printable mazes" or "impossible printable mazes"

⁴ It turns out it is easier and cheaper just to make some 6.5x9.5 envelopes myself, I hope they make it through the mail okay.

⁵ Also, because it getting sent to the southern hemisphere. Okay, that's a lie.

On the Fourth Blog Post of Christmas

In which a classic poem is re-imagined and a final movie is discussed.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads
And ma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon hit the crest of the new-fallen snow
Giving the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A miniature village that was filled with such fear.

With a big toothy grin and a roar for its song,
I new in a moment it must be King Kong.
The villages they fled from this monster of fame,
Mothers and fathers called their children by name.

Come Kevin! Come Edwin! Come Susan and Cindy!
On Billy! On Bobby! On Judy and Mindy!
Jump over the porch, climb over the wall!
Now run away! Run away! Run away all!!

And then, such a boom in the sky high above,
Our savior flew in landing soft as a dove.
In a flash of navy, gold and crimson hue,
The mighty Superman new just what to do.

His eyes they glowed red with his vision of heat,
The smoldering shot knocked King Kong off his feet.
The great beast rose up with a deafening roar,
And our brave hero knew he was in for much more.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
With his fists of fury he pummeled that jerk.
And laying a fist right on the beast’s eye,
Kong fell to the ground with a whimper and cry.
Superman lifted the great foe ‘ore head,
The villagers, in awe, returned to their bed.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

The last movie that I watch annually should surprise absolutely no one. A Christmas Story is one of the modern day Christmas movies.  For those out of the loop it is based on true stories from Jean Shepherd’s childhood.  Taking place in Hammond, Indiana the film follows the hijinks of the Parker family.  I fell in love with this movie in junior high when I first watched it.  And every year 24 hours of A Christmas Story is a part of the Milligan family Christmas.  Much like Christmas Vacation it is a film that I still laugh at every year.  If' you’ve never watch it then get excited, because starting tonight you will have 12 opportunities.  You should check it out.

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas¹! 

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¹ Sorry that there were no footnotes this time.

On the Third Blog Post of Christmas

In which the cavalcade of Christmas posts continues pausing only to party.

Christmas parties are a staple of this festive time of year.  Sometimes it's a work party, maybe a party with the family, but more often than not it is just a party with some friends.  This year I have had the opportunity to go to two Christmas parties.  Both were awesome, but in very different ways.

The first party took place in the frozen tundra that is Fishers, Indiana.  My friends Sara and JC have a yearly tradition of having people over to their house.  Years ago I went with a couple of other people, I remember it was fun, we played catchphrase, and my car completely spun out on 37 on the way back home.  Since then I haven’t not been able to make it back, until this year.

The party was a total blast.  There was a ton of great food to eat people to catch up with.  Besides Sara and JC, who I always love to see, I also caught up with my friends Amanda and Phil who I haven’t seen in years, as well as Josh and Marissa whom I know from high school when they were my Young Life leaders.  Along with these fine people, and other, were kids.  Lots and lots of kids.  I think there were a total of 12 running around¹, ranging from younger than one all the way up to 8.  What was great was that these were the type of kids who are totally comfortable around other people.  So they were running and acting crazy like kids do.  At one point a group of them crawled under the table too mess with the adults.  Having never met me did not stop them from attacking my legs, or showing off their toys, or lightsaber fighting with me².  It was great fun.

When all but two of the kids went to bed I, along with some YL leaders from Indy, were talking to the 8 year old.  We covered what types of pets they had and what their names were, which led up to a discussion about Scooby Doo.  The highlight of the night for me was when she said, very matter-of-factly, “Max and I are so about Scooby Doo.”  It was hilarious.  After that the adults watched a couple of movies³, and I headed back to Bloomington.  It was a great night.

The second Christmas party took place at our house last Tuesday.  We had a community dinner Christmas party which included spaghetti bake, a gift exchange, and singing some carols. We got a late start eating dinner all because an AmeriCorps worker left for lunch and never came back⁴ which meant we were behind schedule.  And as anyone who has been a part of a white elephant gift exchange can tell you, those things can take a while.  I attempted to get thing going, I passed out numbers and made sure all the gifts were out and ready.  We were all set to get start when Tim Felton lets me know that he is waiting on Kevin to bring part of his gift.  And so once again my life is slowed by the ridiculousness of Timothy Bernard Felton.  When I announce that we can’t start because of Tim we all booed him, then when we guessed that he was waiting on come coffee beans to arrive (he works at a coffee shop) we booed more.  Then we started booing everything that was happening.  Jecca brought bad gifts to an exchange 6 years ago⁵?  She got booed. Someone made a bad joke? Booed.  Still waiting on Tim?  Booed again.  Basically everything was booed all night long.  It was great.

Despite all this it was one of the best gift exchanges that I have been a part of, almost every gift was a good one.  Except the toothbrush that Frank brought.  Oh well.  On the opposite end of the spectrum my firends Kevin (who kind of blogs http://kevinschmalandt.blogspot.com/) and Alena (who doesn't) took it upon themselves to record their own Christmas song, complete with an auto-tuned section, you can download it here: http://tindeck.com/listen/jbmg  Also, while at the party, Jecca ruined Christmas then Frank saved it, only to ruin it again moments later.  So it was an eventful night.  Plus, I got an Antwone Dodson apron, so you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that, home-home-homeboy.

Christmas movie number three, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  A classic in every sense of the word, if you’ve never seen this movie go track it down now.  This is Chevy Chase at his best, his delivery as Clark W. Griswold is so perfect.  The last true family man.  Plus, you get to see Randy Quaid play a crazy man instead of actually being a crazy man.  I watch this every Christmas eve with my dad and we still laugh at it every year.  I’m looking forward to seeing again in a few days.  I’d say more about it but I gotta run so I will just leave you with this.


Now, who wouldn’t want to come to this party?
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¹ That number may not be right, but it was large enough that when Sara asked me if being there made me want to have kids I said, “No, but I am considering a vasectomy.”
² I lost both times, dying the second.
³ The aforementioned Die Hard and Elf.
⁴ A long and totally true story.
⁵ It was the worst, she deserves to be booed every year, forever.

On the Second Blog Post of Christmas

In which we come in under the wire with mangers and monsters.

Quick update:  The house finally got decorated inside and out.  Carrie's crappy string of Christmas lights are still up but we added to it the tree and some garland around one of the windows.  Tim got a bunch of lights up on the outside of the house, you're welcome Duke Energy.  He did not get the hole dug for the tree, which surprised no one.

Growing up there were a lot of Christmas traditions around the Milligan household.  For example going to pick out the Christmas tree.  Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving we would bundle up and head out to some tree farm on the outskirts of Lafayette to go tree hunting.  For a few minutes we would walk around together the four of us, but then, inevitably, we would head in different directions looking for trees.  Everyone had their own vision of the perfect tree.  My sister, usually, wanted one that was a little smaller, my dad liked them to be tall,  mom was looking for one where ornaments could hang down, and I would look for one that had the strongest overall "Christmas tree vibe."  I imagine you can discern a lot about a person based on what they are looking for in a tree¹.  Eventually we would settle on a tree that came close to what we were all looking for and we would cut it down.  After we had the needles shook out of it we crammed it into the car and headed home.  The tree normally would sit in a bucket of water for a week or two before it went up² then decorating would begin.  My dad always put the lights on and then my mom, sister and I would put up ornaments, taking turns putting them on the tree until it was fully covered.

Another tradition that my sister Sarah and I had was to organize the nativity scene.  Years ago my grandparents gave my dad and all his siblings and their families nativity sets from a church sale.  I don't remember how long ago it was, but it had to have been a while because I don't remember a time when we didn't have them.  Every year my sister and I would position and reposition the figures until we got it just how we wanted it, then we'd probably move it again.

When my grandparents passed away all of the family came together to help organize the house and decide what needed to be saved and what could be sold or given away.  While going through the house I came across a cigar box, inside the box was the same nativity set that they had gotten all of their kids.  No one else wanted it so I took it home with me and now I have my own nativity scene to mess with endlessly.  All of the pieces are the same as the one from home with the exception of the manger.  My parents have a fancy one with a wooden star at the top and a palm tree, mine is the cigar box³.  But it is still great.

I think the neatest thing about this nativity scene is that the figures are all hand carved, or at least they look hand carved.  So what if Jesus looks like he had a teenager's head on a baby's body, check out these wisemen.  They are looking pretty nice.

In other Christmas news.  I watched Gremlins recently for the first time.  Which is hard to believe but true none the less.  My friend Tim "Tony Gonzner" Gosnell suggested that it was more Christmasy than Die Hard.  Now I don't know if I will go that far.  But it was entertaining, and that counts for something.  I don't think it will make the yearly rotation of must watch Christmas movies, I am glad thought that I watched.  I'm equally glad that Mrs. Deagle dies, she got what was coming to her⁴.

As promised here is the next movie on my list of must watched Christmas movies.  As you may remember the season, for me, kicks off with Die Hard.  The second movie that I watch is Elf with Will Farrel.  This movie, I imagine, will create much less controversy than Die Hard will.  It is most certainly a Christmas movie what with Santa, elves, claymation puppets and caroling.  My favorite line in the movie is probably, "You sit on a throne of lies."

Here are some facts that you may or may not know about Elf.  It was directed by Jon Faveau who also directed the two Iron Man movies.  Buddy's supervisor elf in Santa's workshop is played by Ralphie Parker⁵.  Zooey Deschanel is very cute.  Has some incredibly talented actors in it: James Caan, Bob Newhart and Ed Asner to name a few.  I can't watch this movie and not smile the whole way through.

Bye Buddy, I hope you find your dad.
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¹ We'll leave that for someone else to do.
² This was to appease my dad who hated the fact that we got a tree so early.
³ Which, ironically, it probably more like what the real manger would have been like, cheap and small.
⁴ I also called it that the characters who got crushed by a snowplow would miraculously end up okay.
⁵ Come back next week if you don't know who this is.

On the First Blog Post of Christmas

In which we get back on track with some holiday cheer.

I don't know what it is about the fall, but apparently it is just a blog post wasteland for me¹.  This post will either represent my only post for the month of November or a first post after missing an entire month, depending on when I get it online.  I really did not get things taken care of in the "post every week" category.  Oh well, enough lamenting.  Despite it not yet being December it is officially the socially excepted Christmas season.  As a lead up to the most commercialized of Holy holidays I am going to be writing a series of four posts about different Christmas-y topics.  Think of it as your online, eccentric Advent wreath, but with less fire, not on Sundays, and more profane².

Christmas at Casa de Feltigan is always an event, and trust me when I tell you it has a lot more to do with the Felton half of that equation as opposed to the Milligan half.  Tim has this intense Christmas...I'm trying to think of a word that would be a better fit than lust, but I don't think it exists...Christmas lust that I'm pretty sure he feels all year round but really flairs up pretty much as soon as he starts digesting his first Thanksgiving meal.  Granted, it is not as extreme as some people, but it is pretty out of control.  Last year the minute Tim and Carrie got home from Thanksgiving lights and trees were flying up all over the place, so I expected much of the same this year.

However, things didn't quite work out that way.  When they got home Tim straightened up the perpetually disorganized extra bedroom to create a "Christmas staging area."  But before any real work could begin (like bringing boxes down from the attic) we had a business meeting to attend to and the season four finale of The Venture Bros. to watch.  I knew that if we didn't get some kind of decoration up, and fast, Tim would probably have a nervous breakdown, only address Carrie as Mrs. Claus, and stay up all night hugging his knees and humming Christmas carols with Christmas stocking for shoes and wrapping paper for clothes.  In order to satiate him I retrieved the carved Nativity set³ from the attic and assembled it on our bookshelf.  With Tim temporarily calmed we retired for the night, visions of sugar plums may or may not have danced in our heads.

Monday, according to Carrie, was "tree day."  Tim and Carrie, being homeowners now, decided to go with a live tree that we can plant in the yard when we are done with it.  When I got home from work I discovered that the tree had indeed been purchased and was sitting on our back porch, so step one was accomplished.  Whether or not it actually survives and is planted in the ground will surely be a test of the Felton's ability to follow through/take down Christmas decorations before the thing dies.  Also, as the ground will certainly be frozen by the time the decorations come down on Valentine's Day (the inside ones, the outdoor lights will likely be up until April at the earliest) hole digging will be an interesting challenge.

Speaking of lights. outdoor Christmas lights are Tim's favorite thing⁴ and I am sure that he wanted to get them up as soon as he could on Monday.  But wait!  Double disaster strikes.  Disaster number one, rain.  It started raining yesterday shortly after Tim got home from work.  For those of you who have never put up Christmas lights a combination of rain, ladders, and electricity is not optimal.  Now you may be thinking, why doesn't he simply go to the aforementioned staging area and begin the aggravating process of detangling and checking lights.  I'm sure he would have were it not for disaster number two...the flu.  Tim decided that last night would be a great time to come down with some kind of flu bug so he worked himself up a nice fever and even decided to throw in some vomiting for good measure.   I think secretly he just wanted to have the bed to himself last night but Carrie hadn't done anything annoying enough to be banished to the couch.

So now it is Tuesday, Tim has likely spent the day at home trying to feel better.  He might have put more Christmas stuff up, otherwise I will have to prescribe him a dose of Christmas music and eggnog to keep him from going over the edge.  Once Tim is done regular vomiting and can get to making it look like Christmas vomited all over our house, I will snap some sweet pics to show you.

While my Christmas passion does not run as wild and free as Tim's might I still have a few traditions of my own that I always incorporate.  One is that there are four Christmas movies that I will always watch every year without fail.  And since I will be writing four blog posts and there are four movies it seems to follow that I tell you about one movie per post.  These are not in the order of quality, or how much I enjoy them, but rather the order that I will watch them in.

The first Christmas movie I plan on watching is always my favorite to suggest when people bring up wanting to watch a Christmas movie: Die Hard.  Most people will immediately discount this as a viable option which is absurd. 

• Fact: Die Hard takes place at a Christmas party
• Fact: Die Hard takes place on Christmas Eve⁵. 
• Fact: the Die Hard soundtrack includes four Christmas songs.
• Fact: Die Hard features a terrorist in a Santa hat, which leads to one of the film's great lines.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KShj0gPAH0g

So here is what we know.  Die Hard is a great movie.  Die Hard is a Christmas movie.  Therefore: Die Hard is a great Christmas movie.  Other reasons why you should watch it include: Bruce Willis making the jump to the big time, that homely woman Snake (of Wizard People, Dear Reader fame) makes his film debut⁶, lots of gun fights, the scene with McClane in the bathroom is what got him cast in 12 Monkeys, jokes about the FBI, Twinkies, Carl Winslow, and more gun fights.  It's the most action packed Christmas movie ever and I will be watching it, very soon.

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfather⁷.

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¹ August/September/October blog post totals for '09 and '10 = ten out of a possible 24.
² Profane in the secular sense of the word, thank you religious studies degree.
³ More on that later.
⁴ Ask him about his proposal to Carrie.
⁵ Combine these two facts and you get one poorly planned Christmas party, and that's not .
⁶ That would be Alan Rickman, who I have never been disappointed in as an actor.
⁷ Edited to maintain the singular use of the word profane to describe this post.

On A Year In Review

In which we look back on the year past, reminisce, reflect, and recount all while avoiding sentimentality.

If you are looking for a blog post that will look back at all the important events of 2009, you have come to the wrong place.  If you have come looking for a year in review of the greatest pop culture achievements of the last year, you have come to the wrong place.  If you have come for a reflection on failed resolutions and a promise to stay on track this year, you have come to the wrong place.  If you have come to read about whatever random events I can remember from the last 365 days, then you are right where you need to be.  Welcome!

The year 2009 had an inauspicious beginning as I was forced to leave the New Years party at Mike and Jessica's early due to my allergies acting up.  I can't say I was too disappointed as New Years is one of my least favorite holidays.

'The Great Blizzard of 09' hits at the end of January¹ dumping massive amounts of snow on Bloomington and the surrounding areas.  No school for a week was pretty nice, I would have loved to gone out to enjoy the wintery wonderland, however out crappy landlord didn't plow our parking area for the entire week, nice job guy².  We did use the snow drifts outside of our front door to keep beer cold.

In February I tried Shiner Hefeweizen, it had a really sweet bottle cap.  So I started collecting them, but I wasn't sure why...yet.  Dun dun dun.... 

In March I went to Mexico with my dad.  We stayed at a swank all-inclusive resort in the Mayan Riviera.  It was pretty awesome.  We went deep sea fishing and on a zipline tour of the jungle.  There were pools everywhere and everything to eat and drink was free.  Each night we picked a different restaurant to eat at.  Ironically enough the best food we had was the hibachi grill/sushi place.  If you ever have the chance to go to a place like this I highly recommend it, it is so choice³.

Upon returning to Bloomington I got dominated by some 24 hour virus or something.  I alternated between burning lava hot and shivering.  I didn't leave the bed for two days and watch some really awesome movies on my computer, one of which was Starship Toopers, which is fantastic in its ridiculousness.

Around this time, in March or April, Brett, B-Carl and I went to check out Roadhouse Pizza.  The pizza was mediocre at best, and they sell cokes by the can, which is way lame.  However, there was a pinball machine that gave out free games like it was its job, we put in 75¢ and played for like an hour; just free game after free game.  Eventually we even attracted a crowd.  When we left there was a free game left that we passed on to a family waiting for their food.

In April I went to see the Little 5.  It was fun and the weather was great.  However, one of my old Wyldlife kids was riding in the race; that made me feel old.  It wouldn't be the first time it happened this year.

Graduated from college for the second time in May.  Now you may call me master.

Went to my second Indy 500 race.  It was a lot of fun; we were on the first short shoot, so some good crashes as well as A.C. Slater⁴.

On May 28th, 2009 the world changed forever, this day will be remembered always in the hearts of people everywhere as the day this blog began.  See it from its humble beginnings here.

June held in store for me a trip to Maine with the family⁵ and the most ridiculous job I have ever done.  I was essentially a hall monitor for the Upward Bound summer program.  I walked from building to building on campus and made sure kids were where they needed to be, when I wasn't doing that I was reading, or playing "David Jones Bingo™" it was simultaneously terrible and awesome.

Also in June we had our only week of summer weather.  It was unbearably hot, luckily it didn't last long.

July marked the end of an era.  Since I didn't know what I was going to be doing the following school year and our lease was up Tim Street and I would be headed to different locations.  Of the 120 months in this last decade I have lived with Tim for 60 of them.  That's pretty crazy.  And for the first time since the summer of 2001 Tim and I were living in Bloomington at the same time, but not in the same place.

At the end of July I moved in with the Feltons temporarily.  It would become permanent.  When I moved in I inherited a bowl full of bottle caps that the Feltons had also been collecting.  During the move I finally realized what I would do with all of the caps.  I had an end table with a removable glass top that covered a sunken in part.  I decided to fill this area with caps, but I didn't have enough, so the collection continued.....for now.

In August we had a Young Life reunion with a bunch of old leaders.  We played wiffleball and my team and an epic comeback that fell just short, but it was fun none the less.

A few weeks later I started my job at Jackson Creek in the in-school suspension room.  I ended up working there about 17 weeks.  During that time I read 20 books.

In October Bloomington Young Life put on their first ever weekend camp.  Years ago the whole state would come together for a weekend but it was cancelled due to sucking, so Bloomington just figured that they do their own.  Jeff, the area director, asked me to speak at the weekend.  It was a blast, but I was a little rusty⁶ having not given a club talk in 3 years.  It was a great time, the whole weekend felt very classy and professional just like a real YL camp week.

In November we received an invitation Kaitlin and Andy's wedding, instead of the traditional RSVP note card that asks you to check a box if you were planning on attending this invitation had a post card sized blank space with note on the top that says, "Please reply with number attending by November 28.  This is was we sent in⁶.

The first weekend in December my parents and I went down to Nashville Tennessee because my sister was throwing her boyfriend a surprise birthday party.  Despite the fact that she is, self-admittedly, a terrible liar Peter was still caught completely off guard.  It was great.  Also, weirdly, the night before the party my parents and I went to eat at a restaurant a block from our hotel.  When we were walking to our table I ran into David Pankake, a friend from IU that I hadn't seen in year, what a small world.

Mid-December marked the end of my tenure at Jackson Creek as I started a new job out at the Eastern Greene schools.  I will be filling in for a friend who will be on maternity leave until the end of April.  It is going to be exciting and exhausting.  I am guessing that the first four months of 2010 will fly by.

The first morning I awoke when I was home for Christmas I found that it had snowed about an inch and a half.  Two days after Christmas we had three inches plus.  On Christmas?  It rained, how lame.

When I got back from West Lafayette our house was a disaster area, which isn't all that surprising.  It is slowly getting back into shape.  I have been watching a lot of TV on DVD and enjoying my time off.  One of the things I did was continue to work on the end table/bottle cap art project.  I still have two rows to go, but it is looking really nice.  Two pictures are incoming.  One artsy and one to show the near-finished product.

So now it's the 31^st, not only does a new year start in less than 10 hours, but a new decade.  I think it will be a good one.  I'm hopeful about finding a new job, utilizing the gym membership that I just signed up for⁷, and seeing what God has planned for me.  Two things that I know will happen, I will finish the table, and I will have another long list of ridiculous things that will occur, many of which I will completely forget about.  But for now I am going to go grab a coffee with a friend, find something for dinner, take some allergy medicine, and head to Mike and Jessica's for another New Years Eve party, hopefully this year will start off a little better than the last.

Happy New Year, see you next decade!
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¹ Please note: it was not really a blizzard, and it might not have been January, I can't remember.
² This wasn't surprising, that jerk didn't replace our busted screens the entire year we lived there.
³ Line courtesy of Ferris Bueller.
⁴ I would have preferred Kelly Kapowski, but really who wouldn't?
⁵ Shameless self-promotion warning: Maine post.
⁶ Double sixes, aw crap.  Luckily they both involve the same person.  Talk editing and art work by Carrie Felton.
⁷ For as much as it cost I'd frickin better.

On Random Thoughts Part II: Holiday Edition 2009

In which we return to a previous concept, a ridiculous title is used as well as a record number of footnotes.

LED Christmas lights are a great idea; they don't get hot and consume less energy.  Unfortunately they look terrible compared to old school lights, only coming in strings of 60 lights (that's pretty short) and they are expensive.  Call me when you fix these problems.

Colleen¹ wants to hear my thoughts on the zombie apocalypse, I hit on that once but I can add to it.  Now I'm no expert, but I have seen some movies, played some games (video and board) and read some books on the subject of zombies.  Here are the three most important things to take care of.  1) Shelter, this is the most important piece.  You need to find a place that can be easily fortified, this means a limited number of low windows and a manageable amount of entry points (you will want more that one way in and out, but you need to know about them all).  2) Weapons, be smart about this.  A gun seems like a good idea, but it might be more trouble than it's worth, they are hard to keep clean, tough to use, and ammo might be difficult to find.  If you really want one I would suggest a shotgun, it's got a good blast radius and ammo should be easier to come by.  You will also want some sort of melee weapon, a bat, an axe, a hammer something you can swing.  Just know that they will break down over time, and the heavier they are the longer they will last but the slower you will be with them.  3) Supplies, you will need food and water to survive.  So searching for supplies will always require some bravery.  You may have to leave your shelter to head into infested areas, make sure you stick to places you are familiar with especially at first, and find a good balance of bring back enough stuff so you don't have to go out all the time but won't slow you down.  Canned foods will be your best friend.  Good luck out there.

My family and I went to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra yesterday.  It was pretty crazy.  Imagine a combination of Christmas music, rock-opera, 80's hair, laser/light/fire display and a full orchestra.  I had a great time but it would have been a little better if they hadn't played their non-Christmas stuff for a 1/3 of the show.  It's two days before Christmas, play Christmas music.

Sarah² asked me to write about the use of Vince Guaraldi music in Arrested Development, some of you might remember that was a show on my list of Top Five shows.  The use of Guaraldi's jazzy Charlie Brown Christmas music was used throughout the episode titled "Good Grief" is an example of why this show is so classic.  The highlight for me comes from the fact that in the back ground you can catch a glimpse of a beagle sleeping on the top of a red dog house.


Carrie³ want me to talk about our mice.  We had mice in our house.  They are gross.  We have killed two of them to date.  I'm hoping that is the end of it, but I doubt it.  That's all I have to say on the subject.

Lauren⁴ asked two things, I'm picking one.  The origin of "Pop Goes the Weasel."  Did you know there are over ten versions of the stupid song, some with many, many verses.  The oldest dates back to 1855.  I don't know where it came from, but I think it may have been a song about visiting prostitutes⁵.  Check it out:

Up and down the City Road

In and out the Eagle

That's the way the money goes

Pop! goes the weasel⁶.

Cameron would like to know if cows fall over and if they do can they get themselves up.  They do tip over (either from being pushed or falling when stumbling on a hill).  Smaller cows, calves, and steer can right themselves, most full grown cows can't.  Cows that can't get themselves up often die due to exhaustion and stress.  (This answer brought to you by Yahoo answers).

I have always enjoyed eggnog.  Despite how terrible it is for you.  I can usually handle about 4 glasses throughout the Christmas season (Thanksgiving-Christmas day).  Growing up I remember my grandfather drinking it after Christmas dinner, he always added rum and nutmeg.  I prefer bourbon⁷ and a nutmeg/cinnamon mixture in my nog.

Story-time interlude courtesy of my friend Kevin⁸.  Kevin and I grew up down the street from one another so we would hang out at one another's houses all the time.  One summer afternoon we were playing around with Snap-Pops and we got the bright idea to through them at passing cars, which we found hilarious.  It was all fun and games until we threw a few at a car and once it passed the house we saw the driver slam on the breaks and whip the car around.  I yelled to Kevin, "Run!" and took off around the side of the house and dove behind a small bush.  When I looked back at the driveway I realized that Kevin was still standing there in the middle of the driveway.  By this time the driver had pulled up to the base of the driveway and was screaming at Kevin.  I saw Kevin glance down at his shoes then turn his head slightly point to where I was and said, "Josh is in the bushes."  We still give him a hard time about it when he makes it back to Indiana.

My top four Christmas movies are, in this order, A Christmas Story, Die Hard, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, and Elf.  "Can't see the lines can you Russ?"

Whitney wants to know what video games would be the best/worst movies.  I would have said Silent Hill 2, but they tried that and it was a mess of studio meddling and wasted potential.  I think Metal Gear Solid, would have some cool potential if done right.  As for worst, Tetris.

"The Twelve Day's of Christmas" is a pretty ridiculous song.  My second favorite rendition of this song is by Straight No Chaser.  Here is a YouTube video of the song.  Please excuse the super-lame introduction.


Jon⁹ wants to know what my best/worst Christmas I ever got was.  I think my best gift was going with my dad to see Purdue play in 1998 Alamo Bowl against Kansas State.  State, ranked fourth in the nation, felt like they got snubbed by the BCS and ended up playing unranked Purdue.  Purdue jumped out to an early lead but Kansas State came back to take the lead 34-30 with just over a minute to go in the game.  But Purdue, led by freshman quarterback Drew Brees¹⁰ drove the field in just 54 seconds to score the game winning touchdown. It was spectacular.  I can't think of what the worst was.

Thank you to everyone who sent me topics to write about, it was a lot of fun.  I hope you all have an incredibly blessed Christmas and if you are traveling that you stay safe.  I've got to go watch Christmas Vacation with the family.

Merry Christmas!!
___________________________________________________________
¹ Delicious recipes found here: http://redwhiteandturkey.blogspot.com/
² I just started following Sarah, now you can too.  http://notwhollyinvain.blogspot.com/
³ Token Asian blog found here: http://thesaltyside.blogspot.com/
⁴ Warning don't go here unless you want to see super cute babies: http://majorscoop.blogspot.com/
⁵ I have no factual basis for this claim.
⁶ Come on, how is that not about visiting a prostitute?
⁷ Don't drink until you are 21 and even then please do so responsibly.
⁸ Kevin uses his blog responsibly to track his exercise routine, he is a much better person than I am. http://kevininc.com/
⁹ Jon has recently made a commitment to use footnotes more, a behavior I fully endorse. http://jonuebelhor.blogspot.com
¹⁰ You might have heard of him.

On Lego

In which we discuss dastardly pirates fighting chivalrous knights, cubic art, and a gift.


Growing up one of my favorite things to do was to build various Lego models.  It was always a tradition that at Christmas I would receive at least one Lego set, I would always shake the present listening for the tell-tale rattle of little plastic blocks that let me know what I was about to open.  Once we were done unwrapping all the presents the next step was to spread out on a coffee table or kitchen table and assemble the newly acquired model. I would work unceasingly until I had finished.  As I got older the models got more and more complex.  There are still a few that I assembled and put on a shelf and it is still there just hanging out.  Most of the Lego sets that I have though eventually were disassembled and put in giant tubs in our basement.  At this point is when creativity would take over.

There were always epic scenes in which pirates battle knights on horseback, racecars zoomed through airports, and space battles between robots, aliens and astronauts.  Most of this nonsense ended in crushing collisions and monstrous explosions.  In short, Micheal Bay would have been proud.  While these my creations were always lots of fun they weren't really creative in the traditional sense, I always had this grand dream to use all my Lego pieces to create something really awesome.  Maybe one day.  But then again, I am not really that artistically creative.  That's not where my creative juices flow you might say.

Some people though, man they do some cool things with Lego sets.  Like this guy (whose Flickr id is balakov) has been recreating classic photographs with Lego pieces.  Here are some examples of his work.

This is a recreation of Charles Ebbets' "Lunch atop a skyscraper" originally taken in 1932, check the original here.

Here is a recreation of Robert Capa's 1944 photograph taken during the D-Day invasion or Normandy beach, the original is here.

This is one most people will recognize, Jeff Widener's 1989 photograph of "The unknown rebel," the original is here.

Pretty impressive, these pictures certainly put my space battles to shame.  But what are you going to do.  In a slightly more functional realm of things a British man named James May designed and constructed a two story house complete with running water and an uncomfortable bed.  Unfortunately for Mr. May his house leaks, the land he built it on wants it gone, and no one seems to want or is able to take it.  An article, that you can read here, said that if it wasn't taken it was going to be destroyed.

Since this article was written back in September I am guessing that any chance for you to visit and/or own this giant eyesore was likely destroyed with chainsaws...lets leave Mr. May alone to ponder his future.

Not to be outdone in the creative realm of artistic Lego sets the Lego company began an Architecture line of Lego sets.  Taking famous architectural landmarks and building them out of little plastic squares.

While most kids would be terribly disappointed by the lack of fantastical objects found within the box I for one think that the Lego version of Frank Lloyd Wright's Falling Water is pretty amazing.  So if you have a hundred bucks laying around and you are feeling generous you could totally buy it for me.  I will be your best friend forever.  I promise.

Don't forget: the plural of Lego is Lego.