On Random Thoughts Part III: The Returnering

In which a multitude of topics are covered in no particular order whatsoever...

I recently finished reading The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, I had forgotten how dry a lot of Tolkien's writing is, especially after (spoiler alert) the ring is destroyed but before the scouring of the Shire. The Shire chapter is great, however, and along with the Dúnedain riding with Aragorn represent two of the moments I was most sad to not see in the movies¹.

Huck asked: "Is it creepy to go to a high school basketball game if you don't have kids or never went to that school but you just love basketball?" Not if you live in Indiana. Unfortunately Huck just moved to Alaska, I don't think they even know what basketball is up there. I hope you like sled dog racing and ice fishing Huck.

Daniel Radcliffe, you are officially on notice². You gave an interview recently in which you complained about Hugo getting nominated for an Oscar while HPDHPII did not. Look, bro, HPDHPII was a serviceable conclusion to the HP saga, it was a giant summer spectacle that entertained for the two hours I was in the theater. What it was not: one of the best movies of the year, one of the best movies of the summer, heck, it wasn't even the best HP movie. Hugo meanwhile was a beautiful story that pushed the boundaries of a new medium of film making³, it was probably the best movie I saw this year and while I don't think it will win Best Picture it deserves to be in the running (and to win).

Sara Trombley's awesome son, Luke, asked me to blog about scary monster and Voltron. Voltron, for those you who are out of the loop, is a giant super-robot that is made up of five smaller lion robots. Each lion is piloted by a human member of the Voltron Force, they fly through space busting the heads of nogoodnicks and scoundrels alike. If things get tough they combine into Voltron, go teamwork. Scary monsters are monsters that are scary⁴. In a fight between scary monsters and Voltron, Voltron would win 10 out of 10 times, because Voltron is a good guy and they always win and because scary monsters are big dumb heads.

Bonus Voltron fun facts: 1) Voltron was created by taking a Japanese show, Beast King GoLion⁵, and editing it and writing new stories. B) I had a Voltron toy when I was a kid, it's made of plastic and metal, it clocks in at about 2-3 pounds despite only being a foot tall. Last one) Each lion resided in a different environment.

One of the best movies to watch with someone who hasn't seen it is The Usual Suspects. I wish I could go back in time and watch it again without knowing anything about. In high school some friends of mine were over and we had rented this but I wasn't really paying attention, someone said that if I wasn't going to actually watch it I should just turn it off. That was some of the best advice I've ever received in my life.

I asked TaraB what I should write about, she said, "probably kittens." If you were hoping you could use that as your blog's name, too late, some girl took it, but she only wrote once last May, so maybe she will give it to you. However, your band, album, or book can all be named "Probably Kittens" if you want and you won't run into copy-write issues. Is your cat mysteriously getting fat? Probably kittens⁶.

I don't know if you heard, but the Indianapolis Colts had a rough year, after which they cleaned house, Jim Irsay fired just about everyone he could. Now the question is which players will be returning, with Manning obviously being the biggest question. Irsay has been running his mouth a lot, or his twitter, and has repeatedly made an ass of himself and many think Manning is on his way out of Indy. Here's the thing, Manning made the Colts relevant, he is the greatest quarterback of his generation, possibly any, he deserves to end his career as a coach. No one has asked me what I would do in this situation, but based on what I've read this is what I would suggest: Step one) Manning has offered to restructure his deal to be a pay-for-play option, do this. Then roll the dice with Manning, it's risky but a player like Manning is worth it. Step two) trade the first pick, lots of teams want Luck the Colts probably get three picks this draft and three next year as well, then you build your team. The most important step is no matter what he decides Isray needs to keep his mouth shut. Jim Irsay, consider yourself on notice.

Tim Street says, "calvinism."  I don't know if I'm a calvinist in the purest sense⁷, but we do see eye to eye on a few topics.

Motivation

The Education System

Simplicity

Calvin has some...interesting views on life.

Back to LotR. I think this is my favorite quote from all of the books:

There are many things in the deep waters; and seas and lands may change. And it is not our part here to take thought only for a season, or for a few lives of men, or for a passing age of the world. We should seek a final end of this menace, even if we do not hope to make one. - Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring, 319

Sparkles says, "I think you should write...about why the commerce clause is the basis for nearly every constitutional question the supreme court considers." We must first consider commerce as a concept and then take into account the inherent ramifications on both the national and the international zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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¹ But not at all surprised
² That would be the official "D-Bag Warning Notice"
³ It was seriously the most original use of 3D that I've seen in a film
⁴  It's also the title of David Bowe's 1980 album
⁵ Apparently the animation company originally wanted a different show about a giant lion-based super-robot but were sent this one instead
⁶ Unless it's a boy cat, then probably not
⁷ I'm more of a Hobbesist if anything

On the Gritty, Hardboiled, Noir Side of Life

In which we peer into the seamy underbelly of crime fiction, enjoy childhood classics, and a short story is shared.

I grew up on Calvin and Hobbes¹.  I didn't always get the jokes, or understand the words that were used, but I loved sitting down and reading Bill Watterson's funny pages masterpiece.  One of my favorite personas that Calvin took on was Tracer Bullet, rough and surly private detective that stalked the streets trying to solves mysteries like who broke the lamp?² There was something about the stark use of shadows and the callous first person narration that seemed to strike a chord with me, it resonated in my consciousness.  I had my first run in with noir fiction, and I loved it.

Noir fiction is, most simply, crime fiction that looks at crime and violence in a realistic or callous way.  It just puts it out there; crime happens, it's the way of the world.  However, noir fiction, and with it film noir, will often lead to debates among academics.  What makes a story noir, is the characters, the subject matter, the setting?  Can one story be "more noir" than another?  You are on your own to answer those questions.  But in my mind there is something about a noir story (whether film or written) that defines it as such, the only thing I can think of to describe it is an attitude that the story has.  Something that runs deep with in the story.  Clearly it is a well thought out definition that I have going here³.

Last summer I read The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett.  Falcon's main character, Sam Spade, is considered the archetype for hardboiled detectives⁴.  The book was a very fun read.  It had a great story filled with sex, murder, lies, femme-fatales and some interesting plot twists.  All from a book written in the 1930's (it was originally written as a serial published in a magazine).  I think that is one of the more interesting thing about this book, written in a time that had much stricter regulations on what would be in a book Hammett had to get creative with his prose to accurately portray the criminal lifestyle without offending anyone.  Here is my favorite example:
    
      "The boy spoke two words; the first was a short guttural verb, the second "you." (Hammett, 94)

When it comes to movies that list of those films that fall under the category of noir is....extensive, to say the least.  I haven't seen as many film noir movies as I would like to, but here are some of the ones that I have seen that I have greatly enjoyed.  Ronin (1998)⁵, L.A. Confidential (1997), Payback (1999)⁶, A History of Violence (2005), Brick (2006), Momento (2000), and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (2005).  The last three all play on the conventions of the noir style.  Brick takes a noir style story and dialogue and places it in the setting of a high school, leading to a fast talking, cynical high school student attempting to solve the murder of his ex-girlfriend.  Momento's main character follows a man who is trying to solve the murder of his wife, the plot twist here is that he has no short term memory, the film makers utilize an out of sequence style of shooting to allow the viewer to experience the same frustrations that the main character has.  Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang is a noir comedy that has a fictional noir story as a central lot point.  If you watch this movie you will get to enjoy Robert Downey Junior playing a thief pretending to be an actor who is learning how to pretend to be a detective.

Call them what you want, comic books, graphic novels, sequential art, anyway you say it comics don't get a whole lot of respect.  They are seen as juvenile and simple, and they can be, but there are also incredibly deep stories to be found.  And in this case an amazingly rich noir world filled with great characters, engaging stories, and wonderful art.  It is called Criminal, written by Ed Brubaker, drawn by Sean Phillips, and colored by Val Staples.  Criminal follows the world of two generations of crime in fictional Center City.  These stories are, quite simply, some of the best I've ever read, and you would do yourself a great service to check them out⁷.  Here is a sample for you from the second story line that follows Tracey Lawless as he seeks revenge for his brother's murder (click the pictures to see bigger versions):

In order to graduate from college I needed to take an intensive writing class so I decided to take creative writing.  It ended up being on of my favorite classes.  We read a whole bunch of short stories and wrote about seven of our own.  Our professor was a little weird and wouldn't grade our papers with letter grades; instead she would give checks and check pluses.  My favorite story that I wrote fits in well with this post because it ended up having a very noir feel to it.  It was not my highest graded paper, that would be the first one that I wrote which received a ✓++, this paper only received a lowly ✓+.  Here are some excerpts:

"The bar was dank and smoke filled, and the poor lighting only enhanced the drab décor.  A sparse number of age-old paper clippings were the only interruption to the primarily unadorned walls.  The entire atmosphere was designed to heighten the depression of the customers.  The more depressed they were, the more they drank, the more they drank the more money the owner made.  It really just came down to simple arithmetic.  Three men in suits sat on stools, nursing beers and staring off into nothingness, attempting to forget the day’s events.  In the back corner a man sat, anxiously looking around.  His eyes shot back and forth, scanning the darkness.  Eyes never resting, never focusing on anything in particular, neither did his mind.  One hand rested on the table, in an obvious attempt to appear casual, while the other clutched his jacket, which rested next to him on the booth’s seat.   A waitress walked over to his table."

Here is some dialogue from later in the story:

“Well yeah, I know that’s what we talked about.  But I just think that it’s worth more than ten.  If I give it to you for that then I’m just screwing myself over.”

Jackson clenched his teeth, banged his fist down onto the table.  “No, you listen to me.  We had a deal; the deal was for ten thousand.  There is no way that I’m going to pay anymore than that,” he said in a harsh whisper.

“Then maybe I’ll just take me business elsewhere,” Cal began to get up.

“Sit down, and shut up.”

Cal sat down and leaned over the table whispering fiercely, “Or what?  Are you threatening me?  That’s not how this works, Jacky.  You are the one who called me.  You are the one who was begging me to sell it to you in the first place.  You are the one who needs it so badly.  So the way I see it you are not in any position to be making demands of me.”

If you are interested in my story you can read the whole thing here.  Sorry about any formatting errors that may be there, it didn't translate to Google Reader that well.  Also, I haven't really done much to the story in year, so excuse any spelling or grammar errors.

Crime fiction, a great way to get in touch with your inner sociopath.
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¹ Images above created and drawn by Bill Watterson, found on Google Image Search, please don't sue me.
² It was Hobbes.
³ Or not.
⁴ Including the aforementioned Tracer Bullet.
⁵ Which has the distinct honor of not only having some of the best car chases ever filmed, but it is also the first DVD I ever bought.
⁶ If you want to check this movie out make sure you get the directors cut, not the original versions, it is much better.
⁷ Visit your local library.