On a Somewhat Preposterous Solution to a Serious Problem

In which a problem is addressed, money is counted, and little people.

I don't know if you heard but we, as a country, are in a bit of a financial tight spot.  As a result school districts across the country are in pretty rough shape.  Many schools are facing massive cutbacks of services, materials, and teachers.  Teachers are being notified that they are going to be losing their jobs; some places are taking more...drastic measures.

Things here in Indiana are pretty terrible as well.  Schools are expected to make huge cutbacks.  Various ideas that I have heard considered include cutting back sports teams, eliminating busing, canceling summer school, not paying janitors through the summer, and, of course, firing teachers.  Mitch Daniels, our esteemed governor¹, suggested teachers forgo raises (which isn't a bad idea).  However, he followed up talking about cutbacks with a terrible quote, "Anyone who complains about that should be immediately asked, 'Which tax do you want to increase?' We have used all of the reserves that the state had."  Well Mr. Daniels just off the top of my head I would suggest: property, liquor, cigarette/tobacco, and/or sales.  You could also create a tax on soda.  Or how about we don't spend millions on I-69² and invest that in schools instead.  Just a thought.

Rather ironically, or sadly that would also be an appropriate adverb, Forbes.com released their list of billionaires.  I was intrigued by the list and decided to dig a little deeper in to it.  Here are some statistics:

• There are over 400 billionaires in the world today.
• Of that 294 live in the United States.
• The richest man in the world is from Mexico, he beat out Bill Gates by half a billion dollars.
• Various members of the Walton family³ took up 5 or 6 spots on the list.
• IU alum Mark Cuban was on the list, his favorite way to pass the time in Bloomington is to come to Husband&Wife shows and hit on the wives⁴.

Here is the most ridiculous statistic of the day.  When added up the US billionaires have a total net worth of 1,093.2 billion dollars.

That is over one trillion dollars. Or:

$1,093,200,000,000.00

That number is unfathomable to me.  I can't really wrap my head around it. That is how much these chill buds and dude chicks are worth.  And yes I did just call the richest people in America chill buds and dude chicks.  So what does this absurd number have to do with a collapsing educational system?  Simply put, I'm going to solve the problem.

I am proposing that these 294 people each give 1% of their net worth to schools across the country.  I think that money should be pooled and given, in equal chunks, to all of the school districts across the county.  According to my research (a combination of Google and Wikipedia) I discovered that there are approximately 16,000 school districts in the country.  If we take one percent of that huge number above and divide it equally amongst the districts it comes out to $683,250 each.  That is a large number, and while it may not fix all the problems it will certainly save some jobs.

Now I realize that we live in a capitalist society which means people are free to make as much money as they want and spend it on what they want.  I am not saying we should force these people to give this money, but I am suggesting that we create a way for them to help out.  And why should they help?  Because schools are our future.  We can have the best roads, the largest armies and can dump dollar after dollar at greedy investment firms that can't manage their money but if we don't have well educated students it is meaningless.  Not only should these individuals consider giving but businesses should as well.  They need to stop thinking only of a quick return on an investment and instead look at what a long term investment in the education of future employees could mean.  A healthy educational system is paramount our society, it is the most important issue that we are facing as a nation, and unfortunately it seems to fall by the way side all too often.

Okay, let's be honest here.  Just throwing money at problems is not a long term solution.  And this problem has a seemingly unending number of issues.  From broad issues like greed and ego, to specific problems like suburban sprawl.  I could go on and on.  But here is the biggest problem, as I see it.  If you ever hear a politician or a school administrator, or a teacher, or a community member talk about the educational system you will hear them all say the same thing.  "The students come first."

But when was the last time that was actually the case?  The students NEVER come first.  If the students came first I wouldn't be writing this post right now. I would be telling you about juggling baby geese⁵ or something like that.  The problems facing the educational system, especially the lack of money, wouldn't exist.  People wouldn't stand for closing schools, offering fewer opportunities at schools, overcrowded classrooms.  Parent's would get off their asses and be involved in their students lives, unions would allow ineffective teacher to be let go instead of younger excited teachers, and administrators would take some hard looks at the high salaries they receive.

So until we change this fundamental problem we need to get some billionaires to help out.  So pass the word along to all your mega-rich friends.  Let them know that if they give 1% of their worth so will I, what an offer!

And if they look at you like you are a crazy person, which is likely, and think that it is a terrible use for their money here is what you say.  Just tell them that it is a better option then starting a 'dwarf theme park'(you may need to double click that link) like a mega-rich guy in China did⁶.  Those people do some weird things⁷.

So that post got a lot more serious than I though it would.  Maybe I should stick to geese juggling.
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¹ I have many problems with Daniels, but that is neither here nor there.
² This road is such a waste of money, and will put many small southern Indiana towns in jeopardy.
³ As in relatives of Sam Walton of Walmart fame.
⁴ Cuban drunkenly stumbled into XRAfest last year and flirted it up with Carrie.
⁵ Goslings.
⁶ There you go Zim, sorry I didn't do more with it.
⁷ In addition to 'dwarf zoos' they also created a rocket system to attempt to change weather patterns.  Plus there is the fact that there are so many billionaires in a communist country.