On Messing With Your Childhood

In which a uniting component of humanity is discussed and your perspectives are altered.

Imagine, if you will, you are sitting in a movie theater. You've got friends on either side of you and you are killing time answering the same easy trivia question for the tenth time. Finally the lights dim, your excitement rises a little, but no, it's just a coke commercial. Or some voice telling you to silence your cell phone. But then it happens. This screen pops up:

Oh yeah, it's preview time, the best part of the movies. What will it be? A super-rad blockbuster? A cheeseball romcom¹? Emotional Oscar bait? A terrible and lame teen vampire movie? You never know. You are on the edge of your seat as everything about a movie is distilled down into a scant 2-3 minutes. When it ends you lean over and whisper to your friend, "that looks awesome" or "that looks terrible" before the green screen is there again and it all starts over.

Movie trailers are a funny thing. They are, at their core, commercials. I hate commercials, but I love trailers. Well, that's not exactly right. I love trailers in the movie theater, when they are up on the big screen. And I love catching sweet trailers when they first drop. But I always skip them on DVDs. I don't really know why, maybe it's the mystery of it all. But no matter their context they are definitely an attempt to sell you on spending your hard earned dollars² on a movie.

Because of this they are often put together by people in charge of selling the movie rather than people who make the movie. This can lead to movies that don't end quite as awesome as the trailer would have you believe. At times the trailers simply give away too much³ of the story. And often the movie is completely misrepresented. What is wild is to think about how easy it is to completely manipulate the audience with some simple text and a sweet soundtrack. It makes you wonder if you could completely change the tone of a film?

Oh wait, someone already did that. Back in 2006 someone reedited a trailer for Mary Poppins, added new music and sound effects and came up with Scary Mary. Check it out⁴.


Other videos soon followed. Such as a re-cut Charlie and the Chocolate Factory trailer. Although, let's be honest, that movie was damn creepy on it's own, that tunnel scene? Come on.


But I think my favorite remixed trailer is probably this one, which I will leave you without any set up.


It pretty crazy how easy it is to make a trailer look absolutely nothing like the movie. Keep that in mind the next time you see a movie you are totally jazzed for, because you might be in for a surprise. Except if it's a Twilight preview, the actual movie will be just as sucky as the trailer.
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¹ That would be a romantic comedy.
² Or your parents if you are still in high school/home for Christmas.
³ My apologies for linking to VH1.
⁴ Hey Carrie and Tara, suck it up and watch the dang videos this time.

On the Great Columbus Trip Day Three

In which we find: food, vindication and a special guest star.

Slept in later than I thought. Which I mean in the most literal way possible. I moved the clock in the guest room ahead an hour due to last week's time change. At some point last night it jumped back in time an hour. So I woke up thinking it was 8:30 when in actuality it was 9:30. I was alright with it.

For breakfast we whipped up some toast, bacon and scrambled eggs¹.

The Settlers losing streak finally came to a crashing halt with three wins in a row (over the last two days).

Seth and I played disc golf at the course near OSU's campus. There were four high points. Firstly, I dominated Seth, it wasn't even close. Secondly, there was a cricket game going on when we arrived, which is always a scene. Thirdly, there was a family of three that we got stuck behind not once but twice. We played through on a hole² and they skipped a couple of holes so we got stuck behind them again. Lastly, I got a Young Life camp hole in one³.

We watched Up In the Air, which was a phenomenal movie. I would say that it is right up there with Up for my favorite movie of the year. Also, this guy was there.

See you back in Bloomington!
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¹ First meal that I didn't help make, it was exciting.
² Playing though is when slower people let you pass by. The mom didn't know this, apparently, and seemed very put off when we asked.
³ That is when you hit the post under the basket.

On the Fun Frolic

In which adventures are had, and a good friend is remembered.

Every year in Bloomington there is a carnival that comes to town called the Fun Frolic, which is designed to raise money for Big Brothers Big Sisters and IU Child Care Centers. According to the internet it has been offering family-friendly fun since 1957, that's a lot of fun. I would hazard a guess that most people don't know what the Fun Frolic is for. Well, I take that back, people know what it's for, they just don't think it's for those organizations.

What is it for? That's easy, delicious fried food that will probably kill you one day, blood-tingling thrillrides that will probably kill you one day, and creepster, dirtball carnies that will probably kill you one day.

A long time ago I enjoyed going to events like the Fun Frolic for the rides, buying tickets and hopping on rusted out deathtraps was always exciting. My favorites were the Scramber and the Gravatron. These rides no longer hold the excitement that they once did, which is too bad. Because really there is not much of a reason to go if not for the rides.

The other big attraction is the ability to have your money stolen from you in a game of "chance" that is usually so rigged that you will never win anything good, and anything you do win anything it is not worth anywhere near the amount that you spent on the games and as soon as you get home you will stare all the crap you accumulated and think, "What in the world will I do with all this rubbish?"

There is, however, one game that you will almost always win and that can even lead to a new best friend. That game is the ping-pong ball toss. You remember that game, you throw a ping-pong ball at a fish bowl and if it land in you win a goldfish. Hooray!!

A couple of years back my friend Seth Rowe accomplished this very feat. And so Seth and I made a new friend. He was awesome, but then he died. This was 7 years ago. In remembrance of our good friend Dougie I am going to share with you something special. Enjoy.

Dougie, friend and darn good fish

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By Your Mom
Independent Reporting
Originally published July 14, 2003
Dougie, a fish in good standing, died Monday of fish related complications, in his bowl in Apartment 16. He was estimated to be a few weeks old.
Dougie was born and raised in the place where the Fun Frolic carnies gets their fish, he grew up swimming a lot with neighborhood fish, nurturing a passion for the sport and turning it into a supplemental profession as his job as chief fish of the apartment.
"Swimming was his life, it was all he had," said Dougie’s Mom, his mother.
Dougie left the place the Fun Frolic carnies gets their fish shortly after being born in an attempt to try his luck at being a professional pet.
A few days later Seth Rowe threw a ping-pong ball into a fish bowl and Dougie’s dream became a reality. That night Dougie joined Seth, and his roommate Josh Milligan, at their apartment, where he worked for a couple of days swimming and eating. He did absolutely nothing else, because he was a fish.
“He seemed energetic when I came home from work,” said Josh Milligan, co-owner, “but half an hour later he was floating face up in the water.”
The time of death is estimated to be between 6 and 7pm, an autopsy could be performed to find the actual time and cause of death. However, given that he is a fish experts claim that cutting into him will do more harm then good. These experts are now having their credentials checked.
Dougie touched the lives of all those who met him, and even some of those who didn’t.
When asked what she thought about Dougie Lauren Zaczek, a friend, said, “He was a soldier.”
While he had no known children of his own Dougie’s memory will live on in the heart and minds of his friends.
Visitations will be held at Apartment 16 until his remains are removed. A memorial service will be held when both Seth and Josh are present in Bloomington at the same time.
In addition to his mother, Dougie is presumed to be survived copious amounts of other fish.
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Dougie Haines, swimming in heaven.