So over the course of my life I have learned many lessons. It seems like everyday I am learning something new, it's pretty cool how that works. Unfortunately people are forgetful and I often will not remember the lessons that I have learned until I repeat a mistake or situation. At which point I say to myself, "oh yeah, I knew that." Or I swear; that happens sometimes too.
So I thought I would preserve some of these "life1" lessons for future generation. At the very least it might cut down on my swearing. Here is how this will work. I will start with some....let's call it life context, and they I will impart my wisdom.
Life - NBC's police drama about Charlie Crews a LA police officer who was wrongly imprisoned for 12 years for a murder he did not commit. As a part of a settlement with the LAPD he was given a job as a homicide detective. Crews' time in prison left him quiet and contemplative with a love for fresh fruit and Zen, as well as a drive to solve the murders he was sent to jail for.
Lessons - It turns out there is no future, there is no past either, just now. And now. And now. // Sometimes, when dealing with a Russian gangster, the appropriate response is a swift, crushing blow to the esophagus.
Life - A magazine that ran from 1883-2007. Known for its oversized design and red box logo, but most importantly it's photos.
Life, The Game of - Milton Bradley's prominent game life simulation, because who needs to live when we can move around the board. And in spite of the fact that it involves such thrilling activities as buy insurance, paying bills, and raising children it is still more entertaining than Monopoly.
Lessons - Always, always buy any insurance or stocks, they always pay out. // Number spinners are terrible. // When you have children they will be the same size as you, with no arms, legs, or any definable characteristics, other than boys are light blue and girls pink.
Life - A 1999 movie starring Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence. I have never seen this movie, as it looked horrible.
Lessons - Eddie Murphy loves to wear intense face makeup in his movies, he loves it.
Life - Quaker Oats introduced this cereal to the public back in 1961. Since then they have added (and in most cases subtracted) the following flavors. Or should that be styles? Cinnamon Life, Raisin Life, Honey Graham Life, Life Vanilla Yogurt Crunch, Life Chocolate Oat Crunch, Maple & Brown Sugar Life (Canucks2 only), Multigrain Life, Baked Apple Life.
Lessons - Cinnamon Life is the best.
Life - "A characteristic that distinguishes objects that have self-sustaining biological processes from those that do not3." If you don't self-sustain it means you are dead or inanimate. I'm alive. Promise, I just checked. In fact I have been doing this whole living thing for a while now, 28 years by my count. It's been a pretty nice deal. If you aren't currently a part of the "life" category let me first say that I am impressed that you were able to navigate the interwebs despite being dead or inanimate, and two, if you can swing it I highly recommend you give the old self-sustaining biological process thing a try.
Lessons - Cold rainy days are best spent reading a book, preferably by a fire. // When camping, put a tarp under the tent and inside the tent to increase the likelihood of retaining dryness. // Being a gifted public speaker does not translate into being a gifted conversationalist. // We often want to be heard but rarely want to listen. // The internet makes it easier for me to know what is going on in the lives of people I know, without actually knowing what is going on in their lives. // The secret to telling a good story is to paint a picture in the minds of your views. // Some bros don't want to be tazed.
I had some other lessons, but I have forgotten what they are.
1Tim these quotes are totally necessary, as I'm sure you discovered or will discover; depending on if you are a person who reads footnotes when you come to them, or wait until the end of the post.
2That's slang for Canadian, eh. You hoser.
3Thanks Wikipedia for making life seem so boring.
