On the Fourth Blog Post of Christmas

In which a classic poem is re-imagined and a final movie is discussed.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads
And ma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon hit the crest of the new-fallen snow
Giving the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A miniature village that was filled with such fear.

With a big toothy grin and a roar for its song,
I new in a moment it must be King Kong.
The villages they fled from this monster of fame,
Mothers and fathers called their children by name.

Come Kevin! Come Edwin! Come Susan and Cindy!
On Billy! On Bobby! On Judy and Mindy!
Jump over the porch, climb over the wall!
Now run away! Run away! Run away all!!

And then, such a boom in the sky high above,
Our savior flew in landing soft as a dove.
In a flash of navy, gold and crimson hue,
The mighty Superman new just what to do.

His eyes they glowed red with his vision of heat,
The smoldering shot knocked King Kong off his feet.
The great beast rose up with a deafening roar,
And our brave hero knew he was in for much more.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
With his fists of fury he pummeled that jerk.
And laying a fist right on the beast’s eye,
Kong fell to the ground with a whimper and cry.
Superman lifted the great foe ‘ore head,
The villagers, in awe, returned to their bed.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

The last movie that I watch annually should surprise absolutely no one. A Christmas Story is one of the modern day Christmas movies.  For those out of the loop it is based on true stories from Jean Shepherd’s childhood.  Taking place in Hammond, Indiana the film follows the hijinks of the Parker family.  I fell in love with this movie in junior high when I first watched it.  And every year 24 hours of A Christmas Story is a part of the Milligan family Christmas.  Much like Christmas Vacation it is a film that I still laugh at every year.  If' you’ve never watch it then get excited, because starting tonight you will have 12 opportunities.  You should check it out.

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas¹! 

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¹ Sorry that there were no footnotes this time.

On Poetic Apocalypse

In which we investigate post-apocalyptic worlds via haiku.

Children of Men

Eighteen years, no kids
Clive Owen must save a girl
Humanity’s hope?

The Book of Eli

A lone man travels west,
He must protect his book which
Gary Oldman¹ wants.

Six String Samurai

Rock’n’roll wasteland
One man, a guitar and sword
Will he be the king?

Akira

Neo-Tokyo:
Past mysteries are revealed
As Tetsuo’s rage grows.

12 Monkeys

Killer virus let
Loose, time traveler’s mission:
Take back the surface².

I Am Legend

The Fresh Prince alone
A virus from a cure for
Matt Damon’s folly³.

Mad Max

All the oil’s gone
S&M gangs roam the wastes
It’s the thunderdome.

Wall-E

Earth has been ruined
But amongst all the rubble
A love story grows.

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¹ It is a well known fact that Gary Oldman makes any movie better.
² Still my favorite Brad Pitt performance.
³ See the World War II section of On War On Film

On Fulfilling A Birthday Wish....Kind Of

In which a contractual obligation almost backfires until it doesn't.

[My friend Seth Rowe¹ recently had a birthday².  As a gift I decided to give him the option to tell me what to blog about, because, firstly, his blog was inspirational in the creation of my blog, and secondly, I'm cheap.  He wanted me to write about my second visit to Columbus (which hasn't happened) or to write about the trip that I would be going on in the next month (which was news to me).  I took his idea and ran with it...]

There is a place, not too far from here,
Where the Scioto and the Olentangy meet.
Long ago, in olden days, this was the new frontier
But now, instead, you'll find idiots not known for being discreet.

O-H-I-O they shout,
Whether you want them to or not.
You shake your head at the stupid lout
Living in this place manners forgot.

Filthy rivers make it tough
To finish a disc golf game.
Wise visitors say "That's enough."
And return from whence they came.

Columbus is a terrible place whether sleeping or awake,
And I'll tell anyone who asks of me, visiting there is a mistake.

Yet, when I think of my good friends,
Whose names are Seth and Julie,
I must see the city through a new lens,
And thus, speak to you truly.

You'll find Settlers there, a garden gnome,
And late night conversation.
I would get to see their new home
While enjoying a short vacation.

Plenty of laughter will abound
During the time that I am there,
As well as talks that are profound,
With good friends, for whom I deeply care.

So Seth, and Julie, grab a pen, and prepare a note to take.
Beware the Ides of March because I'll be there over my spring break³.


Happy Birthday Seth!


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¹ Of "The Summer of Seth and Josh".
² It was his 26th by my count.
³ Spring break runs from the 13th-21st and the Ides of March is the 15th.