On Maintaining the Integrity of the Pouch

In which a long promised blog and a long blog promise both come to fruition.

This blog is the result of two conversations separated by a month's time.  The first conversation took place at Sarah and Tim’s graduation party.  I don’t remember the context, all I remember is the topic (which we will get to in a moment) and the phrase “maintaining the integrity of the pouch.”

The second conversation took place at Rodeo Ruby Love’s CD release show¹ this last weekend.  My friend Alena mentioned that she had read the blog which started a discussion between the two of us as well as Jon and Kevin.  At some point Kevin ask me if I could write shorter posts².  That’s really not my way, but this week I will do my best to keep things short, and have lots of nice pictures.  Anyway, I suppose I should start the actual, you know, content of the post³.  Think of these first to paragraphs as a preface, or introduction (if you are classless).

Getting old blows.  I’m not even that old but I still know that it can be pretty sucky.  One good thing that comes with getting older is the ability to complain about people that are younger than you and how things are easier/harder/lamer/more fortuitous for them then when you were that age.  For example.

Kids these days have no idea how easy they have it.  Growing up a staple of every youth soccer game that I was a part of was having Capri-Suns at half time⁴.  This is most likely still the case, but have you seen the Capri-Sun pouches they have these days?

That arrow?  It’s pointing to the hole where you insert the straw.  If you were to purchase some Capri-Sun for yourself you would discover that the hole is made of a thinner material than the pouch so that the straw is easily inserted.

This wasn’t always the case.  Back in the day there was a little circle designating where you were supposed to place the straw.  However, it was made of the same foil material as the pouch; the straw has a sharp edge to it so that you could break through the material.  This led to one of two outcomes.  The first was that in exerting the force needed to puncture the pouch you accidentally drove through both sides.  This caused the straw to become less effective and robbed you of your delicious halftime drink.

In an attempt to avoid this first outcome some people would squeeze the pouch to separate the front and back.  Unfortunately the meant that the juice was being forced upward placing pressure in the general direction that you were now going to cutting open the pouch.  Once the straw entered the pouch there was an eruption of juice, again wasting valuable liquid.

So what were young soccer players to do?  Ah, that is when youthful ingenuity comes into play.  Step one: remove straw from package.  Step two: turn pouch upside-down.  Step three:  with your thumb on the blunt end of the straw jam the sharp end into the bottom of the pouch in a swift downward motion.  Step four: enjoy.

Pretty smart huh?  I tell you what; kids these days just don’t have any idea how easy they have it.  It’s sad that in a few years we will be led by people who never had to overcome the Capri-Sun conundrum.  What a pity.

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¹ It was a rocking show, and they are touring all summer.  Check out http://www.myspace.com/rodeorubylove to see if they are coming to your town.
² I think he needs to man up, this ain’t no Twitter account.
³ See, short just isn’t my way.
⁴ Orange slices were the other staple.