On the Fourth Blog Post of Christmas

In which a classic poem is re-imagined and a final movie is discussed.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads
And ma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon hit the crest of the new-fallen snow
Giving the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A miniature village that was filled with such fear.

With a big toothy grin and a roar for its song,
I new in a moment it must be King Kong.
The villages they fled from this monster of fame,
Mothers and fathers called their children by name.

Come Kevin! Come Edwin! Come Susan and Cindy!
On Billy! On Bobby! On Judy and Mindy!
Jump over the porch, climb over the wall!
Now run away! Run away! Run away all!!

And then, such a boom in the sky high above,
Our savior flew in landing soft as a dove.
In a flash of navy, gold and crimson hue,
The mighty Superman new just what to do.

His eyes they glowed red with his vision of heat,
The smoldering shot knocked King Kong off his feet.
The great beast rose up with a deafening roar,
And our brave hero knew he was in for much more.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
With his fists of fury he pummeled that jerk.
And laying a fist right on the beast’s eye,
Kong fell to the ground with a whimper and cry.
Superman lifted the great foe ‘ore head,
The villagers, in awe, returned to their bed.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

The last movie that I watch annually should surprise absolutely no one. A Christmas Story is one of the modern day Christmas movies.  For those out of the loop it is based on true stories from Jean Shepherd’s childhood.  Taking place in Hammond, Indiana the film follows the hijinks of the Parker family.  I fell in love with this movie in junior high when I first watched it.  And every year 24 hours of A Christmas Story is a part of the Milligan family Christmas.  Much like Christmas Vacation it is a film that I still laugh at every year.  If' you’ve never watch it then get excited, because starting tonight you will have 12 opportunities.  You should check it out.

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas¹! 

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¹ Sorry that there were no footnotes this time.

On the Third Blog Post of Christmas

In which the cavalcade of Christmas posts continues pausing only to party.

Christmas parties are a staple of this festive time of year.  Sometimes it's a work party, maybe a party with the family, but more often than not it is just a party with some friends.  This year I have had the opportunity to go to two Christmas parties.  Both were awesome, but in very different ways.

The first party took place in the frozen tundra that is Fishers, Indiana.  My friends Sara and JC have a yearly tradition of having people over to their house.  Years ago I went with a couple of other people, I remember it was fun, we played catchphrase, and my car completely spun out on 37 on the way back home.  Since then I haven’t not been able to make it back, until this year.

The party was a total blast.  There was a ton of great food to eat people to catch up with.  Besides Sara and JC, who I always love to see, I also caught up with my friends Amanda and Phil who I haven’t seen in years, as well as Josh and Marissa whom I know from high school when they were my Young Life leaders.  Along with these fine people, and other, were kids.  Lots and lots of kids.  I think there were a total of 12 running around¹, ranging from younger than one all the way up to 8.  What was great was that these were the type of kids who are totally comfortable around other people.  So they were running and acting crazy like kids do.  At one point a group of them crawled under the table too mess with the adults.  Having never met me did not stop them from attacking my legs, or showing off their toys, or lightsaber fighting with me².  It was great fun.

When all but two of the kids went to bed I, along with some YL leaders from Indy, were talking to the 8 year old.  We covered what types of pets they had and what their names were, which led up to a discussion about Scooby Doo.  The highlight of the night for me was when she said, very matter-of-factly, “Max and I are so about Scooby Doo.”  It was hilarious.  After that the adults watched a couple of movies³, and I headed back to Bloomington.  It was a great night.

The second Christmas party took place at our house last Tuesday.  We had a community dinner Christmas party which included spaghetti bake, a gift exchange, and singing some carols. We got a late start eating dinner all because an AmeriCorps worker left for lunch and never came back⁴ which meant we were behind schedule.  And as anyone who has been a part of a white elephant gift exchange can tell you, those things can take a while.  I attempted to get thing going, I passed out numbers and made sure all the gifts were out and ready.  We were all set to get start when Tim Felton lets me know that he is waiting on Kevin to bring part of his gift.  And so once again my life is slowed by the ridiculousness of Timothy Bernard Felton.  When I announce that we can’t start because of Tim we all booed him, then when we guessed that he was waiting on come coffee beans to arrive (he works at a coffee shop) we booed more.  Then we started booing everything that was happening.  Jecca brought bad gifts to an exchange 6 years ago⁵?  She got booed. Someone made a bad joke? Booed.  Still waiting on Tim?  Booed again.  Basically everything was booed all night long.  It was great.

Despite all this it was one of the best gift exchanges that I have been a part of, almost every gift was a good one.  Except the toothbrush that Frank brought.  Oh well.  On the opposite end of the spectrum my firends Kevin (who kind of blogs http://kevinschmalandt.blogspot.com/) and Alena (who doesn't) took it upon themselves to record their own Christmas song, complete with an auto-tuned section, you can download it here: http://tindeck.com/listen/jbmg  Also, while at the party, Jecca ruined Christmas then Frank saved it, only to ruin it again moments later.  So it was an eventful night.  Plus, I got an Antwone Dodson apron, so you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that, home-home-homeboy.

Christmas movie number three, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  A classic in every sense of the word, if you’ve never seen this movie go track it down now.  This is Chevy Chase at his best, his delivery as Clark W. Griswold is so perfect.  The last true family man.  Plus, you get to see Randy Quaid play a crazy man instead of actually being a crazy man.  I watch this every Christmas eve with my dad and we still laugh at it every year.  I’m looking forward to seeing again in a few days.  I’d say more about it but I gotta run so I will just leave you with this.


Now, who wouldn’t want to come to this party?
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¹ That number may not be right, but it was large enough that when Sara asked me if being there made me want to have kids I said, “No, but I am considering a vasectomy.”
² I lost both times, dying the second.
³ The aforementioned Die Hard and Elf.
⁴ A long and totally true story.
⁵ It was the worst, she deserves to be booed every year, forever.

On the Second Blog Post of Christmas

In which we come in under the wire with mangers and monsters.

Quick update:  The house finally got decorated inside and out.  Carrie's crappy string of Christmas lights are still up but we added to it the tree and some garland around one of the windows.  Tim got a bunch of lights up on the outside of the house, you're welcome Duke Energy.  He did not get the hole dug for the tree, which surprised no one.

Growing up there were a lot of Christmas traditions around the Milligan household.  For example going to pick out the Christmas tree.  Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving we would bundle up and head out to some tree farm on the outskirts of Lafayette to go tree hunting.  For a few minutes we would walk around together the four of us, but then, inevitably, we would head in different directions looking for trees.  Everyone had their own vision of the perfect tree.  My sister, usually, wanted one that was a little smaller, my dad liked them to be tall,  mom was looking for one where ornaments could hang down, and I would look for one that had the strongest overall "Christmas tree vibe."  I imagine you can discern a lot about a person based on what they are looking for in a tree¹.  Eventually we would settle on a tree that came close to what we were all looking for and we would cut it down.  After we had the needles shook out of it we crammed it into the car and headed home.  The tree normally would sit in a bucket of water for a week or two before it went up² then decorating would begin.  My dad always put the lights on and then my mom, sister and I would put up ornaments, taking turns putting them on the tree until it was fully covered.

Another tradition that my sister Sarah and I had was to organize the nativity scene.  Years ago my grandparents gave my dad and all his siblings and their families nativity sets from a church sale.  I don't remember how long ago it was, but it had to have been a while because I don't remember a time when we didn't have them.  Every year my sister and I would position and reposition the figures until we got it just how we wanted it, then we'd probably move it again.

When my grandparents passed away all of the family came together to help organize the house and decide what needed to be saved and what could be sold or given away.  While going through the house I came across a cigar box, inside the box was the same nativity set that they had gotten all of their kids.  No one else wanted it so I took it home with me and now I have my own nativity scene to mess with endlessly.  All of the pieces are the same as the one from home with the exception of the manger.  My parents have a fancy one with a wooden star at the top and a palm tree, mine is the cigar box³.  But it is still great.

I think the neatest thing about this nativity scene is that the figures are all hand carved, or at least they look hand carved.  So what if Jesus looks like he had a teenager's head on a baby's body, check out these wisemen.  They are looking pretty nice.

In other Christmas news.  I watched Gremlins recently for the first time.  Which is hard to believe but true none the less.  My friend Tim "Tony Gonzner" Gosnell suggested that it was more Christmasy than Die Hard.  Now I don't know if I will go that far.  But it was entertaining, and that counts for something.  I don't think it will make the yearly rotation of must watch Christmas movies, I am glad thought that I watched.  I'm equally glad that Mrs. Deagle dies, she got what was coming to her⁴.

As promised here is the next movie on my list of must watched Christmas movies.  As you may remember the season, for me, kicks off with Die Hard.  The second movie that I watch is Elf with Will Farrel.  This movie, I imagine, will create much less controversy than Die Hard will.  It is most certainly a Christmas movie what with Santa, elves, claymation puppets and caroling.  My favorite line in the movie is probably, "You sit on a throne of lies."

Here are some facts that you may or may not know about Elf.  It was directed by Jon Faveau who also directed the two Iron Man movies.  Buddy's supervisor elf in Santa's workshop is played by Ralphie Parker⁵.  Zooey Deschanel is very cute.  Has some incredibly talented actors in it: James Caan, Bob Newhart and Ed Asner to name a few.  I can't watch this movie and not smile the whole way through.

Bye Buddy, I hope you find your dad.
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¹ We'll leave that for someone else to do.
² This was to appease my dad who hated the fact that we got a tree so early.
³ Which, ironically, it probably more like what the real manger would have been like, cheap and small.
⁴ I also called it that the characters who got crushed by a snowplow would miraculously end up okay.
⁵ Come back next week if you don't know who this is.