On Allegorical Boating

In which a classic beginning is followed by something a little less so.

Once upon time there was a captain of a boat. This young captain was a good man, intelligent and well spoken. When he spoke of his boat he talked about a great and wondrous vessel. A boat unparalleled in all the seas. He spoke with such a great passion and eloquence that to listen to him was to agree with him. People would nod and smile and think to themselves, "what a wonderful boat this is." What's more they would look at their captain and smile, for he was a good captain.

Now, no captain can helm a ship by himself, and our young captain was no different. He was surrounded by a fine crew who, just like the captain, loved their ship. They worked hard to make sure the ship sailed smoothly. And even in those time when the crew could not agree what was the best course for the boat they would find a way to compromise and chart a path for the boat, and work to keep her running. What a great boat this is, the people would say to one another, truly there is none finer. The people would watch the crew and smile, for this crew worked hard to make sure that the boat would always move forward.

Unfortunately this was an old boat, and old boats do have their problems. And in this case the problem was that the ship was taking on water. All around the hull there was cracks, and holes, through which water would flow. If something was not done the beautiful ship would sink. The captain and his crew got together and they made a plan. They would give everyone, both the crew and the passengers, buckets and they would bail the boat out. Those that were the strongest were given large buckets, those who were weak or small were given smaller buckets and, at times, even given assistance to lift them. And together they began to bail out the boat. But soon problems began to arise.

The water rose faster and faster and soon the stronger passengers began to complain that it was too difficult to lift their large buckets with all of the water around them. So the captain and the crew gave them smaller buckets, while taking smaller buckets themselves, and so the water continued to rise. Again the strongest of the people said that they couldn't bail with the buckets they were given, so they were given small buckets while some of the strongest had no buckets at all. As you would expect the water rose ever faster. The captain looked at his distressed passengers and told them not to worry. He would fix the problems, be would stop the leaks and return the large buckets to the strongest people. The passengers were relieved and went back to bailing while the captain went to his crew.

However, when he met with them his voice failed, and his strong will seemed diminished. He did not call for the buckets to be returned, instead he focused on the weakest passengers, those that needed support to even lift the smallest cup. He pointed to them and said, we will take their supports from some of them for they tie up too many of our resources. Those passengers were in shock as their help was taken, their sad eyes focused on the giant holes in the ship. Next the captain said, look, we must plug these smaller holes to slow the tide. But the waters still rose as his crew shouted back, that it wasn't good enough, they wanted all of the supports taken from the smallest people, and they wanted to only focus on the smallest of holes to make sure they were completely closed off. The captain and his crew began to argue in earnest about which of the small holes should be filled, and in what order. All the while the passengers watched as torrents of water flowed through the largest of holes, and still the men shouted, but never about those gaps.

So the ship sailed on. And if you listen closely over the roar of the water, and the sound of the bailing, and the yelling of the crew you could hear the soft slow cry of the small and weak. They cried for the support they lost, the blame they felt, and the fact that they were forgotten by those much stronger than them. Tears ran down their faces adding to the rising waters that would inevitably drown them all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Okay, I'll be the first to admit that my little story was very over the top and an incredibly simplified version of what is going on right now in Washington as it relates to the argument over the national budget. But here are some things that I know are true. The current budget proposals, that have come from both democrats and republicans make major cuts to some of the smallest programs. No one from either side of the aisle has proposed to make cuts to our biggest expenditures, and if they are talking about it they aren't talking very loudly. Those people that are going to be most effected by cuts to things the Community Services Block Grant (CSBG) feel absolutely shit on by these decisions and the people that are making them. And for once I won't apologize for my language, because I can't imagine there is a better word to describe how they are feeling.

Here are some statistics to solidify how ridiculous this whole plan is.

President Obama made the following budget cuts to some of the programs that are most "important" to him.

• The CSBG is going to have it's funding cut in half, from $700 million to $350 million. (-50%)
• The Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program is going from around $5 billion to about $2.5 billion. (-50%)
• The Community Development Block Grant Program will be losing about $300 million. (-7.5%)¹

That is a total of just over $3 billion dollars. Meanwhile, here is what is happening with military spending:

• Research and Development is going from $80.21 billion to $75.72 billion. (-5.6%)
• Procurement is going from $135.79 billion to $128.05 billion. (-5.7%)
• Operations is going from $292.83 billion to $294.89 billion. (+.7%)²

Yes you read that right, the operations budget for the military will be going up this next year. Which is ridiculous. Look, here is the thing. I know that the military, for many people, is an important part of the budget, I know that there are a lot of brave men and women who put their lives on the line every day because they believe it is the right thing to do. But the amount of money that we spend on the military is out of control. I did some quick math and here is what savings would look like if we applied the same cuts to the programs dealing with poverty to the military budget.

• Cutting R&D by 50% would save us $40 billion dollars.
• Cutting Procurement would save us $68 billion dollars.
• Cutting Operations by just 7.5% would save us $22 billion dollars.

Even cutting the first two by 25% would save us $50 billion, that is a lot of money. And really that is the most alarming part. The cuts to the poverty services are so small and effect such a small portion of the deficit that it seems like it is all for show, which makes it even worse. Here is the sick thing. If we didn't cut any of the military budget, and instead simply didn't raise the amount going to operations we would save $2.06 billion dollars, more than enough to cover the cost of the CSBG, the CDBG and almost half of the Energy Assistance Grant. It is embarrassing.

What it comes down to is a group of men and women who are making decisions for our nation that are so out of touch with the reality of peoples lives that they would rather stand around shouting at each other about which small holes to plug while the water rises around their ears³.

My mom emailed me earlier this week and she passed down some of that motherly wisdom you always forget is there until it slaps you in the face. So I'll leave you with her words to me.

"I am truly convinced that I want someone representing me who has personal experience with family members, or close friends who have truly experienced hardship...why can't we help those who want to help themselves. This issue brings tears to my eyes and a knot in my stomach."
_________________________________________________________
¹ These statistics were found here: http://www.npr.org/blogs/itsallpolitics/2011/02/14/133748987/whats-in-the-2012-budget-plan-npr-breaks-it-down
² These number are from the New York Times infographic which gives a good representation of how absurd the breakdown of the budget it: http://www.nytimes.com/packages/html/newsgraphics/2011/0119-budget/index.html
³ By the way, they also decided not to raise taxes. Now, I'm no Kelley School of Business graduate or anything but I'm pretty sure if you are in debt the only way out is spend less than you make. If we can't spend less then we need to make more, which means, wait for it, more taxes.

On the Continuing Adventures of Snow Days

In which we, once again, fulfill a birthday wish.

It was recently my friend Seth's birthday, since it is a free gift I offered, for a second year in row¹, to write a blog post on the topic of his choice. He asked me to write about snow days. Since I just wrote about the reason behind snow days and I wrote about what I do on snow days last year I wasn't sure what I was going to write about. Finally though inspiration struck. So please enjoy these excerpts from my new screen play²:

INT. OFFICE. DAY.

A slightly overweight man sits at his desk, his rumpled shirt and tie almost match. He stares down at a desk covered with reports and memos while the new message light on his phone blinks unendingly. There is a knock at the door.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

Come in.



The door opens and a stylishly dressed man enters. His expensive looking suit coat bulges out slightly where his shoulder holster rests.

SNOW

You wanted to see me chief?

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

I did. Shut the door and sit down.

Snow moves around to the front of the brown leather chair and takes a seat.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

I've been reviewing your handiwork all morning. This is some mess you've caused. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

SNOW

Sometimes you have to break some eggs to make an omelet.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(pause)

Sometimes you have to break...that's it? That's all you've got?

(enraged)

I've got a pile of complaints, emails and memos a mile high. My phone hasn't stopped ringing all morning. We've got three suspects in the morgue, a dozen bystanders in the hospital, and millions of dollars in property damage. Where did all of this mayhem get you in your investigation?

SNOW

Vandoren is behind it, he always has been. You know it and I know it.

The chief stand up swiftly, his chair is pushed back into the wall, he is visibly upset.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(screaming)

Senator Vandoren is one of the wealthiest, most well respected men in this city. Your witch hunt against him has already cost this department too much, I'm shutting you down.

SNOW

(screaming)

You're taking me off the case.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(screaming)

I'm doing more than that. I'm suspending you, effective immediately. Turn in your gun and badge.

Snow stand up and very deliberately removes his pistol, ejects the clip, clears the chamber and sets the gun on the desk.

SNOW

You are wrong on this one chief. You are letting a complete sociopath literally get away with murder.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

And you are a loose cannon Snow Day. I've been waiting a long time for this day to come, now get out of my office.

Snow looks down at his badge one last time before flipping it onto the desk.

SNOW

It's funny that you mention that, because there is something I've been waiting a long time for as well.

Snow pulls back and punches the Chief in the nose sending him to the ground. He then turns and walks out of the office.

CHIEF RODRIGUEZ

(yelling)

SNOW DAY!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

INT. BAR. NIGHT

The dank bar is lit with a few flickering florescent lights. The ground is littered with broken bottles and unconscious or dead men. Snow Day stands behind the bar holding a rough looking biker by his black leather jacket.

SNOW

When is the shipment coming in?

BIKER

Hey man, I ain't tellin you nothin.

SNOW

Have it your way. It looks like we've got a weather advisory, things are about to get a little icy.

Snow drags the biker to the ice chest and shoves his head into the ice. The biker begins to kick and flail. Snow pulls him up.

SNOW

Give me the date.

BIKER

No

Snow returns him to the ice, then pulls him out.

SNOW

(yelling)

The date!

BIKER

(teeth chattering)

I, I can't.

Snow moves to put his head back in the ice.

BIKER

Wait! Wait, I'll tell you. Saturday, it's coming Saturday.

SNOW

(menacingly)

What. Time.

BIKER

Midnight.

Snow hits the biker in the stomach and he slouches to the ground. Snow begins to walk out of the bar. The biker sees a sawed-off shotgun under the bar and grabs it. Snow pauses as he hears the biker rack the gun.

BIKER

(screaming)

You son of a...

Snow spins around pulling out his pistol, he shoots the biker before he can get his shot off. The bikers body falls back into the ice chest.

SNOW

Chill out.

---------------------------------------------------

EXT. PARK. NIGHT.

Rain is falling heavily as Snow and a beautiful brunette woman stand beneath a street light. The pair lean in close as they talk.

ALICIA

I'm leaving town tonight Snow, it's not safe for me anymore.

SNOW

Don't say that. I'm close, I can feel it. Stay here, with me, I can keep you safe. Once I put Vandoren away for good we can be together.

ALICIA

You can't stop him, my husband is just too well connected. And he knows about us, if he finds me I'm dead.

[pause]

Come with me Snow, forget about this corrupt city, we can start a new life together. I love you Snow.

Snow pulls her in closer and they kiss. Alicia stares into Snow's eyes for a few seconds.

ALICIA

You aren't coming are you?

SNOW

You know I can't. Listen, you go, be safe. I've got to finish this with Vandoren, but then, I'm coming for you.

---------------------------------------------------

INT. DINER. DAY.

Snow sits at a booth with a thin black man with graying hair and a beat up looking suit and tie.

SNOW

I'm glad you're with me on this Johnny, there is no one else I can trust.

JOHN

Of course man, anything for you.

SNOW

I'll be honest, I didn't think I would get you away from your fishing boat.

JOHN

(laughing)

I didn't think you would either, retirement is really agreeing with me. But truth be told, I miss the excitement. Enough of this, we've got a job to do. You pay for lunch and I'll go get the car.

John leaves the diner, Snow reaches for his wallet as his cell phone rings.

SNOW

Hello?

MAN (os)

Is this Detective Day?

SNOW

It is, who is this.

MAN (os)

I've got a message for you. Senator Vandoren says, "boom."

SNOW

(quietly)

What?

An explosion is heard from outside, followed by screaming.

SNOW

(yelling)

Johnny!!

---------------------------------------------------

EXT. ROOFTOP. NIGHT.

Snow is on his knees on the roof of an abandoned high school, his arms are tied behind his back, he is beaten and bloody. Vandoren paces in front of Snow, hitting him in the stomach with his cane every so often. Snow is frantically trying to cut the rope that holds his hands together.

VANDOREN

You know, I should thank you Detective Day, I'm sorry I mean Mr. Day. Not only did you take out many of my chief competitors, but your rampage through the city today provided the perfect distraction allowing my shipment to arrive unmolested.

(pause)

What's the matter? Where is the patented Snow Day wit I've heard so much about? Where is the pithy comeback?

(pause)

Nothing? Such a pity. As I was saying, you did such a wonderful job for me today that I considered letting you live. However, there is the matter of your little, dalliance with my wife. My wife! Call me old fashion, but there is a little thing called the sanctity of marriage.

SNOW

How, exactly, does me catching you in a hot tub with two outrageously young women fit in with your idea of the sanctity of marriage?

Vandoren hits Snow in the stomach, hard.

VANDOREN

(grinning)

They weren't married.

Vandoren glances at his watch.

VANDOREN

I must say this has been an entertaining evening, unfortunately business must come before pleasure. You see, you were the only one who knew that I forced this school to close so that I could use it too process my heroin supply. And with you out of the way we will finally be open for business.

SNOW

Unfortunately for you, Senator, I see one small problem with you plan.

VANDOREN

Oh yes? And what would that be.

Snow finishes cutting his restraints and jumps up and grabs Vandoren before he is able to react. He walks him to the edge of the roof. As he is pushing him off the roof Snow says:

SNOW

It's a snow day, school's closed.

__________________________________________________________

¹ Check out my attempt at poetry: here

² Which I have crammed full of as many clichés as I could imagine

On Self Congratulatory Little Gold Men

In which we consider the mistakes of the past before making guesses about the future.

For the last 34 years my mom has been working as an elementary school teacher in Lafayette, Indiana. Due to the close proximity of Purdue's campus she often has student teachers that will join her for a semester. Most of them are good, some great, and a few, not so much. One she had a few years ago was really quite the buster. She was teaching, I believe, fourth grade at the time, and he had only been in the class for a few weeks when he asked if, as an educational experience, the class could watch the Academy Award Nominations. Not the actual awards themselves, mind you, but rather just a reading of those films and actors that were nominated. That guys really built himself a solid foundation with that one, let me tell you. I wish that I could go back in time and ask him just what he thought the educational benefit would have been for those fourth graders.

I share this story with you because we are at that time of the year again, this very morning the nominees for the 83rd annual Oscars were announce. Given that I haven't got much else on my mind at the moment I thought that I would write about them for a bit. But first, a disclaimer.

The Oscars, and most other award shows¹, are pretty much just rubbish. Especially when it comes to the best picture. It is a rare year when you hear the winner and think, yeah that was definitely my favorite movie from that year. What's more, there are some years when you are left dumbfounded at the choice that was made.  Here are, in my opinion, some of the worst offenders.

2001 Oscars - Winner Gladiator
Don't get me wrong, Gladiator is a good movie, I own it, I've watched it multiple times, and I will keep watching it. However, this year it was up against: Chocolat, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Erin Brocovich, and Traffic. There is no way, in my mind, that Gladiator was a better movie than Traffic. Steven Soderbergh put together one amazing movie with Traffic, he manages to weave together three complex story lines and get incredible performances out of his actors at the same time. The bigger upset for me this year though was the fact that Russell Crowe won the best actor award over Tom Hanks for his role in Cast Away, which I think was one of his most powerful performances ever.

2003 Oscars - Winner Chicago
I saw Chicago when it came out, but I don't remember much of it, which doesn't say much for that movie does it? This year it was up against: Gangs of New York, The Hours, The Two Towers, and The Pianist. While I will freely admit that Gangs of New York and The Two Towers are not without their problems they are both easily better movies than Chicago was. I don't know what the thought process was here.

1998 Oscars - Winner Titanic
This is a great example of spectacle winning out over quality. By the time that the awards rolled around in late March Titanic had already broken the one billion dollar mark. It was, to say the least, wildly popular, and certainly a technical marvel. But over all the story line was nothing too spectacular, the same goes for DiCaprio's acting. What movies did it beat out? Oh just As Good as it Gets, The Fully Monty, Good Will Hunting, and LA Confidential. It wouldn't be the first time James Cameron would have a film nominated based on new technology, a huge profit, and a weak story line, luckily the next time the Academy would wise up².

1995 Oscars - Winner Forest Gump
Without a doubt this is the most egregious oversight that the academy has made. In my opinion Forest Gump is a fun, heart-string yanking, film designed for the masses to enjoy. And you know what, there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is that two win this award it had to beat out The Shawshank Redemption, which is my favorite movie and is also the top rated film on IMDB. This year more than any other teaches us to take the Academy Awards with a grain of salt. With that in mind lets take a look at this years nominees and who I think is likely to win the big award³.

Best Picture:
Black Swan
The Fighter
Inception
The Kids are Alright
The King's Speech
127 Hours
The Social Network
Toy Story 3
True Grit
Winter's Bone

My Thoughts: My first thought is that I haven't seen enough of these movie. The real five to watch are probably Black Swan, The Fighter, The Kids are Alright, The King's Speech, and The Social Network. From what I'm hearing expect The Social Network to take the trophy⁴.

The rest of the nominees for all the other categories are easy enough to find on the internet (for example: here). I do have a few short thougths about some nominations, or lack there of though.

• The fact that Hailee Steinfeld was nominated for a Best Supporting Actress role filled me with mixed emotions. It was great that she was recognized because she does an amazing job. But it is absurd that she was nominated for a supporting role when she acts as both the narrator and protagonist of the movie. There are far to few strong lead roles for females, let alone that it is a western, that to cheapen it to a supporting role is just disappointing.
• I think it is a travesty, but not unexpected, that Scott Pilgrim vs the World did not get nominated for either best editing or best visual effects.
• Natalie Portman (best actress) and Christian Bale (supporting actor) are probably locks.
• Finally, I could see Exit Through the Gift Shop not winning best documentary simply because of the questions surrounding it's authenticity.

PS: For people thinking that picking questionable best picture winners in a new phenomenon know that in 1942 How Green is my Valley won over Citizen Kane.
_________________________________________________________
¹ Especially the Golden Globes.
² If Avatar would have one they should have just shut it down.
³ Please know most of this is based on complete conjecture as I have not seen all of these movies.
⁴ Saying things like, "From what I'm hearing" makes you sound much more legitimate.

On Sciencey Experiments

In which we take a closer look at the mysteries of the world around us.

This all started a couple of days ago at around 5:30 in the morning with a phone call.  It was then that I got an automated message letting me know that school had been cancelled for the day.  I responded appropriately by rolling over and falling back to sleep.

Approximately three hours later I woke back up and looked out the window.  I was shocked to discover that everything had been completely canvased by all of this white stuff.  My first thought was, "I need to pee."  After returning from the bathroom I again looked out the widow and thought, "I hope I don't have to clean all of this up."  It was perplexing that all of this could have appeared over night, did two Columbian airplanes collide overhead, or was a giant space monster preparing to eat our home by covering it in powered sugar¹? There was only one way to find out for sure.  Science!

figure 1

If I remembered anything from the high school chemistry class I took back in 1998² step one was to collect a sample of the subject matter.  I grabbed a glass and in a most sciencey manner I retrieved a sample [fig. 1].  It was grueling work, and cold, but I was careful not to contaminate the specimen.  Once that was completed it was off to collect various instruments of experimentation that I will need to complete this task [fig. 2].  We were in business, or so I thought.

figure 2

Unfortunately, in the time that it took for me to track down all of my instruments some sneaky individual broke into the lab³ and replaced my sample with a glass of water.  How devious!  Fortunately for me the clean up crews had not arrived yet so I was able to obtain another sample without too much trouble.  Here is a rundown of the experiments that I ran.

Experiment #1 - How does the sample react to fire?

figure 3

In case of violent reaction I first cleaned off my work station.  Then I put on appropriate safety gear[fig. 3].  I struck my match and plunged it into the depths of sample.  The fire was extinguished.  This led me to believe that perhaps it was fire retardant chemicals that had been sprayed around town to help combat a possible wildfire.  However, this is an official science-type experimentation so I wasn't going to rest on my laurels.  Onward to experiment #2.  Experiment #1 results: possibly fire retardant chemicals.

Experiment #2 - How is the sample effected by light.

Light is all around us. If there was no light would we even be here?  You wouldn't know because you couldn't see anything.  I grabbed my light making utensil⁴ and let it's light shine down upon the sample.  Unsurprisingly the sample reflected the light back to me.  This let me know that I was not dealing with a black hole.  Which is good, because then we would all be dead.  Experiment #2 results: not a black hole.

Experiment #3 - How does the sample react to cutting.

On the off chance that I had discovered some rare form of white adamantium I wanted to see if it could be cut.  So I pulled out my trusty chopper and went to town on that bad boy.  The sample was less cut and more just moved around by the blade.  This did not answer my question so I began to detail a plan to capture a short, surly Canadian just in case I wanted to start my own team of mutant superheroes.  Experiment #3 results: inconclusive.

Experiment #4 - How does the sample react to intense energy.

I had one final experiment that I wished to perform.  It would certainly be the most dangerous yet.  I was going to see if this mysterious substance could withstand the most powerful creation in the history of mankind. The microwave oven.  I placed the sample in the microwave and set it to run on high for one minute.  Then I hid around a corner to protect myself.  When the microwave beeped I returned to find that the sample had become water.  I was intrigued, what could water have to do with this mystery substance.  I knew that more research was needed.  Experiment #4 results: sample becomes water when microwaved.

At this point I was out of options for things I could do on my own.  I needed to seek out the help of wiser men and women.  I needed someone who could help me understand in a way that was both easy to comprehend and yet somewhat condescending at the same time.  In short, I needed help from the British.  Here is what I found.


So there you have it.  Apparently this white stuff is called "snow."  And it is used primarily for entertainment.  I'm glad I got that figured out.  Now I can get on to more important things, such as: what are birds?
__________________________________________________________
¹ I'd eat it.
² I don't.
³ read: kitchen
⁴ read: flashlight

On Lists

In which we set the way back machine for both a year and a decade.

Last year I managed to get a post out on New Years Eve looking back at the last year of my life, hitting some high points month by month.  I had hoped to get something similar posted this year but it did not happen.  Now that we are three days in to old twentyeleven I am not feeling as motivated.  That may change, but I doubt it.

That does not mean, though, that I do not want to look back at the year.  I just want to do so in a different way.  This time of year a lot of people start talking about their "Best of" lists.  Best books, best songs, best albums, best movies¹. So I am going to throw my hat into the ring with my own look back at the world of cinema.  However, I am going to mix it up a little, instead of just looking at 2010 I am also going to tell you my favorite movies from the last decade.

To get you jazzed for the list making here are two videos looking back over the movies of 2010.  Neither is comprehensive, and it is interesting how many of the same clips are used², but they are both beautiful and very well made.

The first is Filmography 2010 edited by Gen Ip.  Of the two videos this one is more stylized and utilized more of the beats found both in the music and in the clips.  Whenever I watch it I am reminded of how fun movies can be.


This second video is Cinema 2010 edited by Kees van Dijkhuizen³.  This video definitely has style as well it also includes a deeply haunting beauty to it.  Especially the last quarter which uses the version of Creep by Scala & Kolacny Brothers to perfection. If Filmography 2010 reminded me of how fun movie can be Cinema 2010 reminds me how beautiful they can be.  The most interesting thing for me that there are some legitimately bad movies found in the clips, which shows that even a bad movie can't completely diminish the beauty that is found in telling a story.



So before we begin with the list making here are a couple of things you should know.  I was surprised to find that I had only seen twelve movies that were released last year.  Which is sad, though to be honest a lot of the movies I want to still see (we'll get there later) where all stacked at the end of the year and I can't afford to see them all.  I will tell you about ten of these movies and why I liked them, only three will be ranked as the best of them.  You are totally free to disagree with them and I'd love to here your picks.

Movies I saw, and enjoyed, this year, in no particular order⁴.

• Youth in Revolt - There is a big time backlash against Michael Cera (of Arrested Development fame).  Most of it stems from the claim that he is a one note actor who always plays the same character.  If his portrayal of his own imaginary alter ego François Dillinger doesn't change your mind nothing will.
• The Book of Eli - Post apocalyptic movies have been done before, but this has a great tone.  Some of it is a little over the top but it surprised me with both the story and how good the movie itself ended up being.
• Kick-Ass - Over the top and violent, but funny.  Very, very funny.  Chloë Grace Moretz steals the show.
• Exit Through the Gift Shop - I'm not a big documentary guy but this was an incredibly fascinating film.  I don't want to say too much about it, the less you know going in the better, but this look into the world of street art (graffiti not mimes) was entrancing.  JimmyMann, who is a big documentary guy, loved it as well.
• Iron Man 2 - I liked the first one a little better, but mainly because the sequel felt a little cluttered.  However, Robert Downey Junior continues to be one of my favorite actors and there are very few things with Sam Rockwell in them that I don't enjoy. Those two are worth watching on their own.
• Babies - It's crazy that 16% of the movies that I saw from 2010 were documentaries but what are you going to do.  This was an incredibly beautiful film that follows the first year of life for four infants around the world.  A lack of narration made worked incredibly well.
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I - This was the first HP that I saw where I had read the book first, though I wish I would have done a reread before I saw it.  It was a great movie, very moody, a little slower, but I thought the three main actors (HP, Ronnie the Bear, and the Wretched Harmony) all showed how far they have come in their craft.

And here are my top three movies for 2010.

1. Scott Pilgrim vs The World

You probably haven't seen this movie, most people haven't.  I've written about it a couple of times now and I really can't stop singing it's praises.  Michael Cera is the titular character and, I think, does a magnificent job in the role.  The supporting cast is one of the best I have ever seen (that will be a theme with these top three) especially Kieran Culken.⁵ Also the transitions between scenes are some of the most amazing that I've seen.

2. True Grit

The Coen brothers return to the western genre, last visited in No Country for Old Men (2007), but this time the journey is less dark, less violent, but no less beautiful.  Jeff Bridges and Matt Damon are amazing as Rooster Cogburn and Texas Ranger La Boeuf respectively.  However, new comer Hailee Steinfeld steals the show, if she is not at least nominated for a Best Actress Oscar it will be a crime.  The most surprising part of the movie was how hilarious it was, a definite must see.

3. Inception

Here is the thing, I am rarely impressed with Leonardo DiCaprio, and while he does a good job in this movie he is nothing to write home about.  However he is helped tremendously by a show stopping all-star cast, it still amazes me to think about how great they all were, even with their limited character story lines.  The two things that take this movie up to top three status are a) in was an incredibly original and beautiful version of what boils down to a standard heist movie and b) the sheer number of theories you can have about the movie.

PS Worst movie of the year?  Shutter Island.  Not that it was overly terrible, because it wasn't, but it was a huge let down as I had high expectations.  It was too predictable for my tastes, and it tried way to hard to be mysterious for that level of predictability.

11 2010 movies for 2011

Movies I want to see but haven't yet: How to Train Your Dragon - I've heard nothing but good things, Toy Story 3 - I've been told to expect to cry, The Town - who knew Ben Afflec would be a good director, The Social Network - love me some Sorken dialog, Black Swan - looks creepy and amazing, I Love You Philip Morris - I'm intrigued by the hurdles it jumped to get distributed , The Fighter - Christian Bale is supposed to be amazing in it, Blue Valentine - an examination of a marriage on the rocks Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams each got a Golden Globe nomination, Catfish - all I needed to hear was that you need to know as little as possible about it, Buried - Shot in 17 days it is apparently incredibly tense, 127 Hours - James Franco plays a hiker who gets his arm trapped under a boulder, I've heard great things.

Okay so this post is taking longer than I thought⁶, sorry about that.  When I decided to write a movie themed year-end post I started to consider looking back at the best movies of the last decade.  That slowly melded into my favorite movies, which I think is an important distinction.  So I did some research and discovered that some years it was very easy to pick my favorite, others it was much tougher (I'm looking at you 2007).  Also, I'll give you a bonus award for the year as well.

2001 - Spy Game  This is such an entertaining movie, following Brad Pitt and Robert Redford through multiple decades I was on the edge of my seat the first time I saw it.  It is not a movie I put on if I am trying to get something else done. -- Most cool action pieces bogged down by inane story line: Pearl Harbor.

2002 - Lord of the Rings  I am lumping all three movies together into one chunk this year because they are great, but I didn't want to take up three years of movies, plus '02 didn't have much else that stood out. They are really good.  -- Best foreign movie that was the basis for an Oscar winner:  Infernal Affairs.

2003 - Confidence A sold movie that is made great by its ending.  Highly stylized with rapid fire dialogue.  I'd love to watch it again, but it has gone missing, I blame the Feltons. --  Biggest train wreck that caused a knighted Academy Award winner to retire from acting: League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

2004 - The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou I have talked about Life Aquatic before here.  So I'll just say this, it holds up after many repeat viewings, which is always the mark of a great film.  --  Movie I can't stand that you would assume that I would like: Garden State.

2005 - Serenity The follow up film to the television show Firefly.  It is a funny sci-fi western with some horror elements.  If that doesn't interest you then nothing will.  --  Worst movie I saw in the theater this decade: Saw II.


2006 - Children of Men Compelling story? Check. Good acting? Check. Amazingly well done long takes? Check. Favorite movie of the year? Check.  --  Incredible start, terrible finish: Silent Hill.


2007 - Hot Fuzz  Directed by the same guy as Scott Pilgrim this homage to buddy cop movies (think Bad Boys 2) is absolutely hilarious, I saw it in the theater then gathered a bunch of people to go see it again.  --  I knew it wouldn't be good, but I didn't know it could be this bad: I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.


2008 - Tropic Thunder This is the funniest Ben Stiller movie I have seen in a long time, I am sure a big reason that I like it is because I enjoy movies so much, so of course I would like a movie about making movies.  Plus, not surprisingly, Robert Downey Junior was fantastic.  --  Most overrated movie that has three movies worth of stuff crammed into it: The Dark Knight.


2009 - Where the Wild Things Are  A movie that had me smiling from start to finish, partially because it was good and partially because it took me back to my childhood.  An absolutely beautiful movie that was made that much better because they used practical effects instead of just CGI.  --  The only blue movie you might one day possibly see: Avatar.
___________________________________________________________
¹ Check out Sarah blog for a good list: Not Wholly In Vain
² Probably due to using a lot of clips from trailers so didn't have to watch trash like The Last Airbender.
³ He makes one every year so you can time warp if you want.
⁴ That's not true, it's actually chronological.
⁵ Also Chris Evan, Brandon Routh, and Jason Schwartzman.
⁶ Deal with it KaSchmal.

On the Fourth Blog Post of Christmas

In which a classic poem is re-imagined and a final movie is discussed.

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads
And ma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon hit the crest of the new-fallen snow
Giving the luster of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
A miniature village that was filled with such fear.

With a big toothy grin and a roar for its song,
I new in a moment it must be King Kong.
The villages they fled from this monster of fame,
Mothers and fathers called their children by name.

Come Kevin! Come Edwin! Come Susan and Cindy!
On Billy! On Bobby! On Judy and Mindy!
Jump over the porch, climb over the wall!
Now run away! Run away! Run away all!!

And then, such a boom in the sky high above,
Our savior flew in landing soft as a dove.
In a flash of navy, gold and crimson hue,
The mighty Superman new just what to do.

His eyes they glowed red with his vision of heat,
The smoldering shot knocked King Kong off his feet.
The great beast rose up with a deafening roar,
And our brave hero knew he was in for much more.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
With his fists of fury he pummeled that jerk.
And laying a fist right on the beast’s eye,
Kong fell to the ground with a whimper and cry.
Superman lifted the great foe ‘ore head,
The villagers, in awe, returned to their bed.
And I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”

The last movie that I watch annually should surprise absolutely no one. A Christmas Story is one of the modern day Christmas movies.  For those out of the loop it is based on true stories from Jean Shepherd’s childhood.  Taking place in Hammond, Indiana the film follows the hijinks of the Parker family.  I fell in love with this movie in junior high when I first watched it.  And every year 24 hours of A Christmas Story is a part of the Milligan family Christmas.  Much like Christmas Vacation it is a film that I still laugh at every year.  If' you’ve never watch it then get excited, because starting tonight you will have 12 opportunities.  You should check it out.

I hope you all have a very merry Christmas¹! 

__________________________________________________

¹ Sorry that there were no footnotes this time.

On the Third Blog Post of Christmas

In which the cavalcade of Christmas posts continues pausing only to party.

Christmas parties are a staple of this festive time of year.  Sometimes it's a work party, maybe a party with the family, but more often than not it is just a party with some friends.  This year I have had the opportunity to go to two Christmas parties.  Both were awesome, but in very different ways.

The first party took place in the frozen tundra that is Fishers, Indiana.  My friends Sara and JC have a yearly tradition of having people over to their house.  Years ago I went with a couple of other people, I remember it was fun, we played catchphrase, and my car completely spun out on 37 on the way back home.  Since then I haven’t not been able to make it back, until this year.

The party was a total blast.  There was a ton of great food to eat people to catch up with.  Besides Sara and JC, who I always love to see, I also caught up with my friends Amanda and Phil who I haven’t seen in years, as well as Josh and Marissa whom I know from high school when they were my Young Life leaders.  Along with these fine people, and other, were kids.  Lots and lots of kids.  I think there were a total of 12 running around¹, ranging from younger than one all the way up to 8.  What was great was that these were the type of kids who are totally comfortable around other people.  So they were running and acting crazy like kids do.  At one point a group of them crawled under the table too mess with the adults.  Having never met me did not stop them from attacking my legs, or showing off their toys, or lightsaber fighting with me².  It was great fun.

When all but two of the kids went to bed I, along with some YL leaders from Indy, were talking to the 8 year old.  We covered what types of pets they had and what their names were, which led up to a discussion about Scooby Doo.  The highlight of the night for me was when she said, very matter-of-factly, “Max and I are so about Scooby Doo.”  It was hilarious.  After that the adults watched a couple of movies³, and I headed back to Bloomington.  It was a great night.

The second Christmas party took place at our house last Tuesday.  We had a community dinner Christmas party which included spaghetti bake, a gift exchange, and singing some carols. We got a late start eating dinner all because an AmeriCorps worker left for lunch and never came back⁴ which meant we were behind schedule.  And as anyone who has been a part of a white elephant gift exchange can tell you, those things can take a while.  I attempted to get thing going, I passed out numbers and made sure all the gifts were out and ready.  We were all set to get start when Tim Felton lets me know that he is waiting on Kevin to bring part of his gift.  And so once again my life is slowed by the ridiculousness of Timothy Bernard Felton.  When I announce that we can’t start because of Tim we all booed him, then when we guessed that he was waiting on come coffee beans to arrive (he works at a coffee shop) we booed more.  Then we started booing everything that was happening.  Jecca brought bad gifts to an exchange 6 years ago⁵?  She got booed. Someone made a bad joke? Booed.  Still waiting on Tim?  Booed again.  Basically everything was booed all night long.  It was great.

Despite all this it was one of the best gift exchanges that I have been a part of, almost every gift was a good one.  Except the toothbrush that Frank brought.  Oh well.  On the opposite end of the spectrum my firends Kevin (who kind of blogs http://kevinschmalandt.blogspot.com/) and Alena (who doesn't) took it upon themselves to record their own Christmas song, complete with an auto-tuned section, you can download it here: http://tindeck.com/listen/jbmg  Also, while at the party, Jecca ruined Christmas then Frank saved it, only to ruin it again moments later.  So it was an eventful night.  Plus, I got an Antwone Dodson apron, so you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that, home-home-homeboy.

Christmas movie number three, National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.  A classic in every sense of the word, if you’ve never seen this movie go track it down now.  This is Chevy Chase at his best, his delivery as Clark W. Griswold is so perfect.  The last true family man.  Plus, you get to see Randy Quaid play a crazy man instead of actually being a crazy man.  I watch this every Christmas eve with my dad and we still laugh at it every year.  I’m looking forward to seeing again in a few days.  I’d say more about it but I gotta run so I will just leave you with this.


Now, who wouldn’t want to come to this party?
______________________________________________________
¹ That number may not be right, but it was large enough that when Sara asked me if being there made me want to have kids I said, “No, but I am considering a vasectomy.”
² I lost both times, dying the second.
³ The aforementioned Die Hard and Elf.
⁴ A long and totally true story.
⁵ It was the worst, she deserves to be booed every year, forever.